thus far.


have you ever had the feeling of relief when you know you have accomplished something major? i always have this feeling when i get off tuition (well, not for diancong though since he's so cute i want to give him money for having tuition with me). the feeling of such relief is unfathomable; euphoric but not exactly that but certainly happy, unburdened.

i feel this way not because i don't enjoy tuition, don't get me wrong. i absolutely adore going for tuitions because it is my responsibility and i know i have to do it and face those annoying kids who don't do their homework and would give you messy homework (yes, that is you qy). i absolutely adore it, really. no sarcarsm intended.

okay, maybe some. but it's not a lot.

i always feel that because it is very important to me. every single session of tuition means a lot to me in building up a rapport and trust between my kids and i. so, after every tuition session, i feel very relieved because i get off an intense 1 hour and 30 minutes where it is just me, my tuition kid and their messy homework which they scribbled just 3minutes before i arrive. not that i am the best tuition teacher around, but precisely because i am not, i know i have to put in my best.

i guess that is the same attitude i am going to bring to Cambodia tomorrow.

i have been planning and organizing this volunteering expedition (with my main comm, of course) for the past one year and tomorrow, yes, tomorrow is the trip itself. i am both excited and stressed at the same time that i feel slightly lunatic. and like always, i am not packed, not finished and not ready. but like how i am every tuition, the next 15 days will be extremely intensive and highly-charged because i want to give my best.

it sounds cliche, yes, especially to someone who has done these a million times. or like 2 times. but i am going to prep my brain tonight and tune to gearing up for cambodia.

and like every tuition, i would always heave a sigh of relief at the end and thank God for having gave my best.

stay with me in prayers!

rock away to cambodia!
(by the way, that's my friends and i in nepal while boating; we met a storm!)

i am keeping my wisdom tooth.
after watching this video!

this is hilarious!

David, after a trip to the Dentist

but i hope i would not end up like this when i remove my wisdom tooth 3 weeks later.

"IS THIS REAL LIFE?"

graduation dreams ------*
kena retain in university.

other than sec2 year-end, JC1 and JC2, i have not ever been so close to being retained before; and i might just, in university! nooooooooooooo...

i just found out from my friend (dang, why did i go on fb) that i will need to take at least 6 modules every semester from now on in order to graduate on time. and i have not factor in my Graduation Thesis which i think i am going to write about why-did-romeo-kill-himself-and-juliet-die-in-the-end-and-it-is-all-shakespeare's-fault-so-why-bother, which will really make me very busy and intense.

i think i will probably graduate the same time as alice or something. she is like what, 12years old this year.

but yes, i am going work very hard this coming semester and the whole of next year so that i would not have to retain (that is going to be a $3055 debt ok) in university; which is consolably, something relatively unheard of.

that is unless i am one of the very, very few.
please God, don't ----** my graduation dreams. i was kidding when i said i want to be student forever!

* for people-who-don't-read-in-between-the-lines-(literally), it means DASHED!!
** please, go figure.

WARNING! don't date me out to eat ice-cream at udders or play games at aaron's house or eat cheesecake at siglap because i am studying hard now!!!!

[i am kidding]

exclusive.
i don't like people who are exclusive. i hope i am not like that.

i want to quickly get it over and done with!!!

time of my life
adrenalin pumping series of events. not again.
i actually love being an undergraduate; but.

SUBJECT REGISTRATION AT 930AM TOMORROW LATER!

so nerve-wrecking. and i have to think of what to take because i like it/ it is good for my GPA. i don't want to deliberate this difference now but.

argh, off to watch Michael Jackson Memorial Service.

but. [refer to bold line above]

like a rainbow, fading in the twinkling of an eye
gone too soon (michael jackson)

oscar wilde once deliberated on how art imitates life. yet, what he did not realize is how life imitates art so well too. i found a wonderful song by michael jackson (no less, since he's the hype now) and truly, it foreshadows, albeit so beautifully, his colourful but short life - gone too soon.

i am not writing this because i am a big fan of his. in fact, i am anything but. i was just listening to his songs the other day because i want to find out what the MJcraze is all about; what i can say for sure is that i was certainly not disappointed.

but that is because i can see how deeply poetic his sad life is with the benefit of hindsight.

enjoy this song because i did, and feel absolutely touched by the lyrics and how it intertwines into the fleeting moments we encounter everyday.

Gone Too Soon

brewing chinese herbal medicine in the toilet.
and i would suffocate and feel faint after bathing.

everytime i step into my bathroom to bathe now, i would kind of dread it for the simplest reason that i don't find myself any cleaner than before after i do so. in fact, i would feel that i stink. this has been torturing me silently because i sincerely dread bathing these days - i don't want to stink, i really don't.

why?

because i have been using the jackie chan shampoo. apparently it is called Ba Wang (meaning Domineering King... erm, okkk).

it really, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart and mind and soul and nose, stinks to the core of my bones. when i squirt the foam out, it is not like the normal white kind of foam - it is freakin' brown, and goey. when i apply it onto my hair, it feels exactly like i am rubbing herbs on my hairs and not only so, i am chewing it in my mouth. yes, believe me. it is this pungent. it is like brewing those chinese medicine in your bathroom and having your hair drink it.

but you know why i am using it? because i believe in the chinese idiom that "bitter medicine is good for you". okay, is there even such an idiom? my point is, i think there is a reason why it stinks so bad; it is probably good for you that is why it stinks to such an extent (if not, why would the people behind Ba Wang think that consumers would buy something that smells like a 500year-old ginseng that has decomposed)? my sheer perseverence is out to prove a point that i don't mind going through hardship for good things to come.

maybe it is psychological, but i think it does soften my hair to a small degree. it is showing slow but sure effects that my hair will resemble jackie chan's black crowning glory within a few more months to come (something which i am not sure why i want).

but first, i really need to psyche myself to start bathing again.
I REALLY DON'T WANT TO BATHE.