Friday, April 3, 2009 11:25 PM
highly literary, with occasional grammar slips
darned monkey,
i condemn you to eternal damnation.i hate monkeys.
i was attacked by a monkey today at upper pierce reservoir! that incident has deeply etched an irrational and absurd fear that i will always have towards that of hairy four-legged little brown moving balls of fur. may God rain sores on them and throw them into an abyss of fire and worms!
okay, that sounds a little too bad for the entire nation of monkeys. maybe just for that monkey who scared the life out of me.
when i was waiting for my friends at the beautiful, serene reservoir, i decided to whip out the intellectual Time magazine to catch up with some politics before they arrive. no sooner after i began provoking my intellect, i heard this little devilish squeak from the corner of my view. the moment i turned, i found myself looking face to face with this brown, unspeakable monkey!
of course, i bounced up from my bench, grabbing my bag and coke can (don't know why i did that), flinging off my Time magazines and my bag of filming tools all over the ground, in the meantime, spilling coke all over my bench. that crazy fella sat down comfortably, licking the spilled coke while i stood in fear from his invasion. i tried to pick up my stuffs but that impish monkey attempted to attack me when i wanted to do so. and no kidding, it looked like that:
i tell you, i died. then two young boys saw my pitiful plight and decided to come to my rescue. they crunched plastic bags to distract the nincompoop monkey. when that revolting brown ball heard it, it went crazy and attempted to attack them. they screamed in cute girl voices.
but God must have spoke to them so they decided to return again to save the damsel distressed from monkey woes. the boys threw a sweet wrapper at it. the monkey decided it was no fun just bullying me; it chased after them! obviously, they fled for their dear lives, abandoning me in that perilous situation. i was close to calling the police!
seeing that the monkey was a short distance away, i quickly retrieved my sprawled items and hopefully, make a quick dash away from the scene. lo and behold, my guts flew out when the monkey, seeing that i was getting away, decided to chase after my poor soul. with a mad high-pitched squeal and a distorted constipated face, i made most dramatic exit of my life! my face was the picture of trauma and essentially, insanity. and i thought i heard giggles from the jogging men on the next field.
so obviously, i escaped.
but now, everytime i see a monkey, don't expect me to simply shun away from them; i am going to rain curses and grim abyssal damnation on their monkey souls before running away from them. yes, that is what i am going to do.
arghhhh. darned brown slabs of fur.
