i did my best to occupy myself this week.
and feel happier after that.

first, i went from cool to uncool by buying my first-ever (not shy to say that) Levi's jeans. i join 10 million others in owning the same design, same colour, same size jeans. not like i mind that, it is just that it comes with a $139.90 price tag. but of course, because epiphany finally dawned on Levi's, they have been giving $50 off for any pair of jeans for an old pair of jeans. yes, any brand; xiaolongnu brand, LeeVice included. and with a $20 gift card from cell, i blew $69.90 on a pair of Levi's. for goodness sake, i just wanted to find something to do on a friday morning.

i also found another good way to spend my time (while not reading my 50 millionth literature text) and that is to song-surf. i have been downlo-ahem-ading some good songs online. and because i was feeling a bit melancholic, i decided to give chinese songs a try and boy, was i surprised by some really captivating ones. well, i spent half a day downlo-ahem-ading songs and the next 6 days worrying if the police will catch me. so, it pretty much occupied my brain this week because i started having hallucinations that i could be imprisoned because i am 21 this year. but i am too paranoid... ... ... right?

but what was most effective was spending time with my friends. i was completely caught up with spending some quality time with friends i trust and adore like anything. having reunion dinners with cell and OVE'08 mavericks were very helpful this week. their company alone was enough to validate my happiness. walking around JP after class with my varsity girlfriends made me feel fresher too. going for tuan bai with cute teen girls like alice brightened my week. turns out, i am not as poignant as i think i am.

so what is up the next week, or the next next week?

i guess that itself, is a great question to occupy myself with for the next few weeks.
one step at a time (:

i learn that not saying anything means saying everything today.
how therepeutic.

there are absolutely no other light beams across the street other than the street lamps and the block plates. the silhouette of the wide-branched trees cast a eerie gloom to the already poignant night. in the dead quiet, a gust of wind swept by.

a car zoomed past in its full glory without knowing the heart of such darkness. like how i try to decipher the aptitude of the night, it learns, also to master the unknowing of such profound knowledge. and i say, let me comprehend it and find it, then i will teach the world one day.

nothing is moving, but my furious typing fingers. the tree branches sway to the rhythm of its companion and embrace its waves inconspicuously. i brooded over the binary of such darkness, and found no resolution. perhaps, i have grown accustomed to the looming black, maybe i am just furious at its inevitability. i have no idea.

in the deepest of the night, a light shone suddenly. a man has probably woken up from his slumber to grab a cup of water to aid his sleep. i watched the steady light just opposite my hdb block die off in a hurried instance. such agonizing moment, i mumbled. and as i said that, my finger unknowing reached for the switch of my room. the shape of the switch protruded onto my fingers as i touched it.

with a click sound, i, too, was consumed by my nemesis.

an old photograph dropped off my book.
it was in my Purpose Driven Life which i have not touched since the last time we used it.
as you would know, that was long, long, long time ago.

that photo was taken probably 5 years ago during this period of time. i remember it was a few weeks before valentine's day and my class set up this photo booth which has interesting heart shapes decorate as a backdrop. it is a polaroid photo priced at $2. it seemed wasteful then to capture that moment with $2; but now, i am thankful we did it.

because then, i can remember i used to be 15 once. and was then, so hot.
first of all, i was so tanned because i was training for my footdrill competition that time. so with a dark complexion, of course i would look skinnier (it is true, friends). and i had such fuss-free hair then! i looked rather immaculate. and i thought my school uniform was quite preppy (i believe many would object to that) too.

i always think that i looked better last time.
you know, when you start thinking that, it means you are growing older. don't all your parents think that too? my mom used to tell me she looked prettier last time. and then when some time passes, she would think that she looked better the last time. and the last time and the last time. she never said she looked better NOW. i am really getting older, am i.

and it does not help that everyone around me seems to be as young as an egg. but you know, i am not lamenting about my age now; because then, many older bodies would come squeeze me to death with their wrinkles. i am merely reminiscing the time past and the changes i have gone through. all of which, is a beautiful memory.

i just want to immerse in that beauty and then continue moving forward in life. but just for this blog entry, let me just do so. my young, young past.

awe-inspiring drama serial
the little nyonya that just ended its run on channel8 has got to be the best serial i have ever watched in mediacorp (or the entire world??!!) history.

if anyone were to tell me i would be hooked on a local drama production 2 months ago, i would have bled to death laughing my eyes out. i am never crazy for anything local (except for chicken rice, hokkien prawn mee, singlish, PM Lee... but that's another thing altogether). oh well, i was never.

until the little nyonya came along.

today, now, as i finish watching the final episode of the little nyonya, i have got to say: hat's off, mediacorp. this production has got to be one of the most intriguing and enthralling drama. be it the plot, characters, costumes, exoticism (especially the food, i've been craving for some peranakan food the past few months) and history, everything was fastidiously chronicled into perfection. i am impressed.

i am not going to launch into the storyline because it is simply too enchanting to be put down in a blog entry. really, it is so good whoever hasn't watched it should just flush your head in the toilet bowl. okay, i am kidding. whoever hasn't watched it should just go watch it (who told you it is available on tudou?!!!).

i am suffering from post little nyonya withdrawal symptoms.
alright, i better sleep soon; otherwise my nya nya is going to scold me.

my name is sarah chang.
what, you too?

i just did the most nincompoop thing in the world.
i totally googled my name.

i know, it is pronouncedly loser of me to do so. but yes, i did it. well, you cannot blame a saccharine sweet, enormously popular and vivaciously lively undergraduate in need of self-assurance for doing that right? tell me about it.

what i was hoping to see from the search isn't anything note-worthy. just some "i think sarah chang has the most fantastic blonde streaks in the world" or perhaps "i aspire to be as fashionable as sarah chang who sported the most mercilessly chic look" or the least form of all "i think sarah chang will go down history". that's about all. no big hopes for my formidability.

you see, i really did see all those things. in fact, there were even crazier comments like i-will-die-for-you kind. it's all for sarah chang.

but it's not me.

turns out i am the namesake of a world acclaimed violinist, sarah chang. and it so happens she has fantastic blonde streaks, is insanely fashionable (woohoo, on the stage with her transparent violin with a tiny piece of black cloth wrapped around her, yeah boy) and yes, has already gone down history. i want to die.

googling yourself is not fun at all when somebody else has all the fun. so i tried "sarah chang ntu", "sarah chang sajc", "sarah chang renewal", "sarah chang cute", "sarah chang pretty" and everything else. what came back was "0 results for ---". how encouraging right.

so i have decided. the next time i google myself will be the day i become the prime minister of singapore, or maybe just the mother of 21 children to be realistic; or just to be a bit more practical, when i become a professor in ntu; or you know, maybe when i have graduated from varsity and written my thesis (then my name will confirm be on the web);

or maybe,
just never, ever, ever google myself again.

cui.