let's just say, 2008 did not rock at all.
not.

double negation makes a positive. that's an English lesson for you; but that is probably one of life's greatest lesson for me too.

just before the year comes to an end, i suddenly feel obliged to stay up to write an entry of the year that will soon-to-be passed. but trust me, this is not a random, fleeting thought like how most of my entries are; they are the product of an objective hindsight i have from 2008. and really, it was truly a year of negations that worked out positively.

taking up worship leading in church
i had such a hard time adjusting to it at first. i was suddenly thrusted into the limelight and exposed to the scrutiny of the public eye. my spiritual life was under a perennial pressure and all the more, it took a turn for the worse because i just couldn't keep up. but i thank God because it was this stress that drew me to God's tenderness and sensitivity. this characteristic of God saved me and added a new dimension to my understanding of Him. i grew in my intimacy and comprehension of God! completely amazing!

joining Overseas Volunteering Expedition 2008
i had thought that it will be a smooth-sailing project that we can enjoy while planning; BUT NO. it turned out to be one of the most savage (yes, i use this word) experience of committee work i have ever done! there were many nights when i lost sleep from all the planning, worrying and brooding over the work-to-be-done. it was during that period of time where i constantly fell sick too! but guess what? i ended up with the most spectacular overseas volunteering experience i could ever asked for when i was in laos! everything was perfect for me. God also gave me FANTASTIC FRIENDS from OVE 2008! my 10 lovely group5 people is a physical manifestation of joy and warmth. they are one of the biggest presents from God this year!

studying as an English Major in NTU
i whined and pestered God to give me nus and to burn ntu down (well, He didn't. that's why i'm still there). i complained about ntu and my no-prospects course so much that i think su guaning never recovered from flu. yet, English Literature is truly the course for me, a God-given passion even. i really thrived very well there! i got a scholarship and received good GPA (even though this sem is ---, i proclaim the next 5 sems to be STRAIGHT As!). best of all, i made like-minded friends (jeffer,van,renf,serene,lola&dawn) who are so indispensable now! God made things right when i thought it was bleak.

mentoring the sec2 cell
they were one of my greatest worry at the beginning of the year. actually, they still are. there were missing sheep and issues difficult to solve. i was also nervous that they wouldn't get used to me. i was fearful that i cannot tap their potential and become a godly leader. but i thank God for a fruitful year in the teens ministry. they became a helluva blessing for me and the best thing is that i had so much fun with them! the responsibility is great, but the fruit of the labour is so much greater!

being self sufficient
that means not taking moolah from my parents and in turn, giving them moolah. i have officially began maintaining myself. all the tuitions really killed me though. at my peak, i had 7-8tuition sessions a week. i was basically surviving on the winks i can catch from travelling one place to another and the coca cola my tuition kid's mom offers me. it was THIS bad. but you know, i thank God for sustaining my bank account and giving me extra- i travelled to taiwan, hongkong and laos on my own expense and paid single-handedly for my own driving lessons! i have never been more sufficient!

i typed this not to spite any of you. in fact, it's the complete opposite of it. there were so many obstacles i had to clear, matters that sapped me dry and issues i have to deal with. besides all that, i had a frailing health, relational commitment and other church servings to worry about. but you realise, it was grace that brought my thus far. it was God who made all things good.

i cannot tell you that 2008 was a happy, sweet and gorgeous year for me. it was NOT. what i can tell you is that in bad times, God really carried me - and it was evident in 2008. that, i believe, makes 2008 a year worth celebrating, remembering and cherishing.

multiple negation makes a positive.
you don't need the dictionary to tell you how real it is.

life is unfair.
but really?

i have a grand plan to find unfairness. but so far, i have been quite downtrodden from my search. there is no unfairness in life, because the God who created it is a fair God. yes, that is my conclusion after struggling 19 long years with a puberscent and hormonal outrage with the life-is-unfair theory.

you see, we never see truly perfect people.

if you are intelligent, you are probably not very good looking.
if you are popular and well-liked, you are probably not very smart.
if you are tall and skinny, you probably have a funny voice.
if you are kind-hearted, you are probably quite short.
if you are talented, you are probably pimply.
if you are eloquent, you are probably a poor and broke person.

mix and match any of the above and it end up in the same old sad story that we are never perfect. well, that for me, is a good thing. because we know that nobody can claim that he/she is free from flaws. so, this gives me the incentive to accept my flaws and KNOW that God is making up with something good in me.

this is seriously going to sound like some adamkhoowantstomotivateyou kind of entry; but i feel that many a times, we should also deliberately filter our positive traits and to keep looking at it when things get bad, when people start failing you and when life just simply, stinks. there are really times when we need to know that we are not that bad in fact. maybe this is what they call 'accepting' yourself. cliche yes, but that is really what i try to do when i feel lousy.

i am flawed, but i think i am not that bad too.

life definitely looks a lot fairer like that, right?

i am no good with farewells.

everytime after a telephone conversation, i'll make sure i'm the first one to put down the phone. just so i won't hear the click sound that marks the end of it all. or i'll probably bid you farewell with a chirpy "alright, see you!" rather than a jolly old goodbye. similarly, it bothers me to look at the fleeting glance of the backview. i don't like to stand watching while people walk away. i simply cannot bear it.

i went to a wake just the past thursday. it was, well, a farewell in a way. as i was listening to the eulogy and overlooking a solemn crowd, i had to try so hard to stifle some chokes. bidding someone farewell is not something that everyone can do with grace; and i am the kind who is thankful enough that i don't bawl my rectinal out of my pupils.

in life, there are so many instances when we have to say goodbye. while some of the occasions may call for one, many a farewell may come too prematurely. there are however, too many of such occasions that demands such unusual grace. it is already not easy to say goodbye.

i, for one, hope to learn this skill of saying bye. to handle a farewell with understanding; to understand that separation is part and parcel of life, and essentially, to understand that goodbye itself, isn't in fact,

all that bad.

WHEN YOU BUY THIS FROM ME:








I AM SELLING THESE CHRISTMAS CARDS TO RAISE FUNDS FOR THE OVE'2009 TRIP TO CAMBODIA.

We will be working on sanitation projects for the village in Siem Reap. Also, we will be hosting educational programmes for the local schools.

S$1.50 PER CARD/ S$6.00 PER SET OF 4 CARDS

pain in its very essence
it is the nagging, persistent and subtle quality of pain that nails it in.

i just had the most spectacular 9 days of my life. nothing beats it, really. not the breathtaking hongkong trip, not the awesome centrepoint canvassing OVE'09 had, not the rather interesting ball i went for, not even the truckloads of activities the church teens are organizing.

because when you have been through 9 whole days of pain, it is easy to forget how to spell nuf. i mean fun.

yes, i didn't know i could take it too. but well, i kind of did. 9 full days of constant pain and tragic whining in bed which i don't even understand how it came about. i will give a breakdown of what i think it is - it started from food poisoning that i got from hongkong. then it evolved to constipation when the medicine got too strong for me and finally, gastric pain when i couldn't down any food because i was as stuffed as a turkey. and boy oh boy, is that the second most ridiculous evolution i know of other than the darwin's theory.

i entertained all sorts of thoughts for that 9 days including stabbing my stomach, having an accidental accidental drug overdose so that i can be sent to the hospital, using my alarm clock to knock me out and using my sony ericsson K750i phone to call God. and indeed, all these thoughts just emphasized how helpless i was.

over the 9 days (i declare that day #10 shall not exist because God disallows it), i realized that when God says that "our body is a temple of the Holy Spirit" (1 Cor 6:19), He's not kidding and i should start taking it seriously. i should care for my body and nurture it so that the Holy Spirit can dwell in it. most importantly, it showed me who had the ultimate lordship in my life. it was a painful (yessss) lesson for me; but i hope i have learnt it well.

tell me about being in an unpained state and i will tell you how big a blessing that is.