i am a chinese chinese
i don't exactly have a thing for CNYs.

in fact, i dislike the festivity about the CNY, it's just too... red. too fussy and too forced. children are made to dress in ridiculously suffocating puffy dresses and smart pants. adults are (naturally, always) inclined to wear red, red things. for youths like us, we're always stuck in awkward situations in CNYs when you see your cousin (you've never seen this person before) and when your 3rd aunty's husband's sister's son gets into the gifted programme. chinese new year; it is indeed, very cheena.

asians have this certain way of expressing ourselves: we don't. i had actually wanted to put "asians have this certain way of expressing themselves: they don't". but oh, guess what? i am a true blue asian too. too true, too yellow, too cheena.

i wished i had blue eyes, blond hair and probably a stout nose bridge. there were times when i felt like a radical caucasian stuck in a horrible chinese body. there were moments when i look at the chinese and think how inferior we are. so many a times, i look down on the deep-rooted culture that the chinese would have; the language, the means of expression and the oh-so-red auspicious decorations around the house. it would be nice if i can just call my mom by her name, kiss goodbyes and be really frank about things.

yet, as i grow older i begin to appreciate things around me. i begin to appreciate being cheena. i begin to see the beauty of euphemisms. how our aunty would go one big round just to tell us she is proud of her terribly smart son. i begin to enjoy tracing the family roots of my insanely distant cousin and finding the connection.

being a chinese means more than being yellow and asian. it is about treasuring family ties and being closely knitted in a community who will truly accept you. it is a lot of bonding over food and home-made delicacies. it is about respecting your elderly, keeping in close contact with your cousins and being a good role model for the younger generations. being chinese is also a whole lot of history (which i know nuts about) and knowing that we've the longest and most deeply seeded cultures. it's about being cheena, and embracing it with pride and dignity!

so, every time, this time and this hour of the day, i would feel so blissful and pleased. because it is so heart-warming to embrace the warmth of our tradition which is to hold on to our family ties. we, chinese are probably intrinsically tuned to the "blood is thicker than water" idea that we share a love that transcends time, looks and wealth.

maybe it is the Age talking. but hey, my chinese family is the best.
i am a chinese chinese. and i love being who i am,





and will always do.

happy chinese chinese new year!