i got a 4.0!

the varsity has no regards to our young, fragile hearts. it just comes straight at you. right at your worried face! and i heard that it has been a tradition across varsities since the start of time. yes, emotions are non-existent in varsity. will i be voided of it in years to come?

university life is just annoying, isn't it?







find me a rich man!

satisfaction
as the year comes to an end (what a familiar way to start an entry), i am forced to recollect and reflect on the past 360 days. there were days which i have wasted, days which i have used wisely, days which i have enjoyed and days which i do not wish to remember (the next 5 days would probably go under this category because i would be so dreading 2008).

yet, if i would have the opportunity to lead it differently, i would not. i really would not change a single thing. i am, simply stated, satisfied.

frankly speaking, not everybody would feel this way. perhaps it takes too much courage to put it this way. what do i mean when i say i am satisfied with 2007? it means that i savour the mistakes i made in 2007. it means that i relish in the wounds of the hurts in 2007. it means that i accept the pains of life i underwent in 2007. it means that i embrace the negativity of 2007. it takes a whole lot of courage to say that i am satisfied with the past year. it does.

but isn't that how life should be? to be tossed and turned in the waves of torment and turn out stronger and wiser? i don't know how convinced you are when you are reading this (people say it too often that it becomes like the pet phrase for encouragement), but it could have been worse.

i know it is a little too dark an entry to begin a new year; it was an urge to remind myself in my writing how i have overcame and triumphed in the past 360 days. with the benefit of hindsight, i realized my limits have been stretched and capacity increased. it is this understanding that gives me immense satisfaction, and the immense courage to say i am satisfied with 2007.

yes, everything about 2007.

here's a fun breather for 2007

top 5 most satisfying things
1. earned my first pocket money (temp stints and tuition!)
2. roughed through uni, alive and slimmer (don't tell me even if i didn't)!
3. took up sec4/5 teens cell
4. finding more gifts and talent (yup, i found out i can sing after 19 years)
5. just being friends

top 5 least satisfying things
1. that i am dreading 28th dec (ntu results day, pui!)
2. not keeping up to the news (i actually cannot spell the name of the UN secretary-general - i just know it's a mix between bae yong joon and dong dae moon, YOU SEE!)
3. spending more time in church than home
4. losing contact with a number of good friends
5. just being friends

unabashedly me
the few days leading to today has been nothing short of thought-provoking.

chuan, est, angie and i just began our mentorship with teacher anne. this is one thing i have to give thanks cos she was God-given; God gave her to us at such a perfect timing when we are making decisions for our future and walking towards our destinies. her credible faith does makes this whole affair a sure help from God. of cos, having more time with my precious darling, aimee is an incentive.

point aside, we discussed many things on our first meet up which brought me to reflect on things that concerns myself. i used to have a good plan ahead of me, big dreams you would call it; boyfriend at 20, uni edu completion at 22, find a media-related job (the best deal - news anchor) right after, marry at 25 (to the same boyfriend i got attached to at 20, duh), first child at 27, second at 29, third at 31, fourth at 33 and fifth at 35. after which, excel so well in job that i head on overseas for long. of cos, live happily ever after with a gorgeous figure with five children and a lovely husband in toll. that was then. now, i am as clueless as a lark. a blind lark, at that! or in layman's English, i am as blur as a pregnant teenager. things are really, really not working.

first, i am completely convinced that i might not find a boyfriend simply because i am so GOOD FRIEND MATERIAL (boys like to tell me about their crushes, they really do!). whatever.
second, do you ever wonder why all cna news broadcasters speak in an american accent? these wicked market-spoilers speak like that! and what's the worst thing? I DON'T! (unless i had migrated over to the US when i was 7yr-old - because language acquisition occurs then - which is now IMPOSSIBLE! argh.)
third, a husband and five children needs to come after the first point (abdicated due to point one)
last, i just found out i am not living in fairyland.

it just seems that the older i grow, the more unsure and intangible my future is. scarily, it seemed to be slipping off my charge, dwindling off to my oblivion. there are times when i feel so broken because there seemed to be nothing i can look forward to. it does not help that i am an ambitious and a well-organized person!

however, this is not going to get me down. and seriously, i am not as anxious or stressed up as i may sound here. the hyperactive kick-ass chick is still in town. this is perhaps a vocalization of my stream of consciousness; something that needs to be confronted and dealt with before i move to the next level of maturity. of course, i know it is a process of how God would draw me closer to Him, a sure process to make me sensitive to His voice. these plans might not come to its realization but i am convinced of a better plan God has in store.

come to think of it, He might have revealed it to me already.

teens perak trip a.k.a hutan trip
there's nothing else i can say about this trip but THANK GOD!

i was pretty impressed with the teens who went with us this time around. like what i told angie, it is this kind of camps that gives you hope and greater strength to go on to another year in teens. the fun we had was like wow! the games we thought were sterile in singapore turned out to be mind-blowingly fun there (even though i highly suspect it was our screams and cheers that made it more fun than it is supposed to be, BUT WHO CARES?! haha!)

the rally that we prepared for was also well done. i saw the entrenched efforts that everybody put in and it was nothing short of a fabulosa performance. i have like big, big dreams for this art, development into a rally or even a portfolio for the teens to venture out into the artless world. i am thinking big.

what is especially memorable for me was my interaction with nellis during this trip. we had opportunities to talk serious (QT and all) and to have whacky, pure fun (lying on tummieessss!). sometimes it is these little things that make me see how each individuals have grown over the years. i knew her as a little chimp who laughs hysterically and screams louder than football fanatics. today, she still laughs hysterically (if not, more so), and still screams as loud as a football fanatic who just realised his fave liverpool has won (by the way, they totally did noootttt) but i saw a maturity in her that transcends all her antics. it is a sort of realisation of the Higher Powers, perhaps a conviction of HIS LOVE. i found that beautiful beyond comprehension. and i tell you, this is one thing that money can't buy. so, here's one to nellis (and of course, those who have grown over the years),
to infinity and beyond.

rough-it-out-like-a-man perak trip
i say wow! WOW! i say whoo! WHOO! i say whee! WHEE!

i am so thankful to be alive. really.
we had death-defying activities like caving, white water rafting and waterfall abseiling to convince us how great it is to be alive today blogging about it all. i can still vaguely remember the taste of blood on my lips (and cheri's leg cos i bit her while rafting... ewwww).

water rafting was one thing i enjoyed thoroughly. it drove the sarah 'rough chick' chang out totally! the fun gets to your head, so much so i had to fall off my cursed raft TWICE! if it's nice cooling deep water, i wouldn't mind cos i can swim or waddle or just try to keep my head on the surface. it was painful stinging rocks! sometimes there were algae-infested rocks which made it more difficult to climb up the raft. so, thank God i am alive!

i thought the waterfall abseiling was good fun too. it was a tad too short though, that's why it wasn't exactly on top of my list. well, i thought the part AFTER the abseiling was awesome! we waddled in the cold waters at the foot of the waterfall. we were practically overlooking it (and of course, having full view of struggling entities making their way down) and enjoying the companionship and nature. it was magnificent! it was however, unfortunate that angie lost her specs in the waters. that was the argh part. but everything was perfect then. so perfect.

i know i am being a little naggy here (is this my longest entry without photographs?) but the two perak trips were so splendid (i am exhausting my adjectives!) that i cannot sleep if i don't share it. i felt that i knew the girls a little better and of course, i thought i enjoyed having the protection and care of our great brothers (who would have imagined yiyi would hold someone down a lorry?) and as i have said to someone, this is probably a privilege given to eve's descendents.

i'm lovin' it.

twm retreat
i had NO IDEA what i was in for when i went for this 2 day 1 night retreat for tehillah worship ministry. it was slave driving team building! whatever happened to whacko, simon says, guess who kind of games?! "TEAM BUILDING" is so not the term to use for what we did on that glorious saturday. i know i am whetting your appetite to know what we did, but uh-uh, this is top gun secret. i can only reveal that i suffered from SEVERE aching limps for 3 days (and the fact that we sawed off a 10m thick tree trunk) it was sheer madness.

the blues brothers
i found out from this retreat that we have a pair of talented boys who play the guitar like how a fish swims in water. they completed the night with their wonderous chemistry that seemed to intertwine in all the pieces they play. it was pretty magnificent. so girls, if you have a thing for talented dudes, be sure to get their names from me! *thomas and yiyi, i'm going to collect advert fee from you both! (:

rehearsals
hutan melintang trip's rehearsals are taking the bulk of my time these days. we have all been toiling hard for this rally; the backstage crew, the mentors, and especially the actors and actresses. i feel incredulously proud to be able to nurture these teenagers in performing arts; something that i am not trained in but have been greatly blessed with.

i didn't realise, but Blank Rally was a whopping 5 years ago. that rally was a breakthrough for me. from there, i found my gift and possibly, calling. well, i do hope (and pray hard) that this rally will also be a gravity defying as the one i experienced 5 years ago under the wings of panliang and guilan. i definitely see a lot of potential in them. hurray!