i was trying to make tears disappear.

i am an antm fan
we had a photoshoot for destiny music where i am going to be singing and emcee-ing this morning. gabriel mendes (goodness, you've got to check out his gorgeous works on his blog which can be found on the links) was doing the shoot! it was so cool. well anyway, after makeup (it was by a makeup artist from mediacorp unit!), i was whizzed off outside to do the shoot first.

first of all, before i tell you about the shoot, i have to mention: i was completing my america's next top model cycle 9 on youtube. after hypnotising yourself with 11 straight episodes of pose-pose-pose, guess what i would do during the shoot? POSE LAH.

what was so horrendous (for gabriel and i) about the shoot was that i was POSING! he made me jump up, robot walk, gorilla thump, wall slump, hair swipe and so on and soooooo ffoooorrrttthhh, just so i could give him NATURAL shots. it was like army drilling a la photography drilling.

i took the longest to complete the whole shoot; he shot me 3 rounds which i think made up 30mins in all. est, angie, pris and szemin took like 5-10mins to complete theirs. we were looking through some of the shots from his professional cam and there were some good ones we could use. the last round was probably the best because my dejected (and extremely tired) self was in the whatever-man-just-take-la kind of state.

from this experience, i realised i am a pretty hard nut to crack. it was true when he said i have many layers, hard and difficult to peel. i don't feel the need to justify myself in any ways definitely. maybe it's my prerogative to be who i want. but i know somehow or rather, i need to let my true self show. there is someone more enchanting and beautiful than who everybody sees now, and this is what being natural is.

whether i am loud naturally, quiet and deep or utterly soft in nature, i would love to explore the person i am and not to take on another persona. it's a process which i am ready to set foot on.

that's probably my first step to me.
the real me.

what is growing up to me?
ever since i got into a university, everybody has been telling me i've grown up, time will fly pass, i'm already an adult blah blah blah. i've been thinking of the validity of their statements and sadly, i do not have a conclusion. isn't growing up a process? shouldn't it be something that is felt rather than depending it on my academic level (okay, maybe it can be seen when our physical body grow)? does getting into a university determine my growth? i hope not.

to me, knowing that i am growing up is very simple.

1. it is having to think about my future. intensively. aggressively.
2. it is knowing that i need to face the consequence for everything i do.
3. it is being honest with the people around me.
4. it is understanding my own personality well.
5. it is when i stop deluding myself and face up to certain truths.
6. it is reconciliating my relationship with my parents.
7. it is thinking about love with my head and not my heart.
8. it is empathising with my friends.
9. it is holding tighter to your dreams and walking towards it.
10. it is being convicted of the Higher Powers.

most importantly,

growing up is knowing that i am more than what i think i am; it is about loving how God created me to be.

are you all grown up?

vision 2008
renewal church had our vision 2008 just this thursday on the glorious public holiday! i have been looking forward to it since who knows when. partly for the buffet (HAHA, food is always an incentive) and especially for the changes that will be meted out in 2008. it's always exciting.

i remember last year's vision sharing as apocalyptic. we saw lots of changes and different systems. strategies were discussed, plans were set. there were 2040 to look forward to, teens service to prepare for and a whole lot of other stuff that required not just physical adjustment, but mental flexibility. sure, last year was consolidation and expansion. precisely why it all had to happen; mindsets to be challenged and hearts to be ready. i was almost too ready to charge for the exciting changes this year.

however, vision 2008 had a very different feel to it. it was special, very close to the heart. in fact, the first segment of the sharing did not actually involve 2008 at all. we saw our senior pastor in his weakest moments as he shared about young samuel. we saw how lives have changed for some of our members over the last 3 years. it was very simple, no gimmicks at all. it was a message for the heart.


there are times when we do not need to have PHWOAH changes. we do not need dramatic moments where everybody stop breathing and gasp. sometimes, it is really the simple moments when we truly experience God's manifestation. and it is often these quiet moments when God touches our hearts.

2008 will be a splendid year. most importantly, it is going to be a year where God does His work, not us. and in real bimbotic lingo, "it's gonna totally be wow".

i am a superwoman

yeah, i am still going out, enjoying the quaints of town and blogging during my exams. i am a superwoman. argggghhhhhh.

we had good fun sharing food, sharing jokes and sharing matchas! i like how dinner was such a simple fare where everybody just dunked into food together. the food really tasted better when it's shared. and according to zh, the soup would taste better with all the salivas (why do i feel like throwing up now?)! HAHA! and i think we lost all the calories just laughing at the jokes shared across the table. wow, those were great times.

the weekends was a completely whacky affair. we had steamboat in church (where we ate hotdogs and paid $6 grrrrr...) which was quite fun. it's been so long since i last hung out with weiying+ting and i'm so delighted to see how weiting has grown! she's fantastic to talk to and exudes a certain innocence and charm that i find pretty amazing! (:

it's moments like this that makes us see how much we have grown. we've grown out of spice girls, sailormoon cards, stickers and our teenage woes. now, we have to take on different responsibilities and different roles that we did not use to have. maybe it's something that will continue to shape us into adulthood. but here's to the now-defunct 'C' girls. for the years past and the years ahead.