i talk, not write.

2011-01-05T19:18:00.000+08:00

hi, and bye.

http://reallyloudtoo.wordpress.com/

kthxbye

2010-09-08T12:05:00.002+08:00

$30 to kill

in a bookshop.

i absolutely refuse to believe that one year had gone by. i am one day shy of finishing up my 21st year and i am not happy. i can't, for the love of my socks, recall how this year went by. but i did remember a certain 4th sept when i spent 3 hours in mph buying up my $30 worth of vouchers Group5 bestowed unto me on my birthday last year.

and boy oh boy, it pretty much sums up what i have been doing all these while.

i wanted to get my money's worth by using the vouchers for my lit texts; but blame the bookshop (or my friends, for buying vouchers from MPH and not borders or kino, which would be so much BETTER hahaha) for its inadequacies and tadah, i have $30 to spend on books i WANT to read.

i looked and looked but to no avail. i have absolutely no idea what i want, not need, to read. well, that was until i stumbled upon their classic literature section. there, i saw a glimpse of the library collection in Heaven. no seriously, it was classics to the day God comes. There was Rudyard Kipling (darned racist i hate to love), William Shakespeare (hmm, 'nuff said) and lo and behold, all-time favourite Jane Austen (victorian nut head).

and then i realised, all those journalism shizz and those investigative writing style have been rubbish. what i truly love is darned literature and i'm not going to sacrifice that for bullshit news stories or covering events!

it's fun to be a journalist and all. but i truly want to find the perfect blend that i can have between the literary and the current affairs. perhaps 8days, rather than Straits Times, is a better choice for me.

hur hur.

2010-08-13T13:20:00.002+08:00

Digging

Between my finger and my thumb
The squat pen rests; as snug as a gun.

Under my window a clean rasping sound
When the spade sinks into gravelly ground:
My father, digging. I look down

Till his straining rump among the flowerbeds
Bends low, comes up twenty years away
Stooping in rhythm through potato drills
Where he was digging.

The coarse boot nestled on the lug, the shaft
Against the inside knee was levered firmly.
He rooted out tall tops, buried the bright edge deep
To scatter new potatoes that we picked
Loving their cool hardness in our hands.

By God, the old man could handle a spade,
Just like his old man.

My grandfather could cut more turf in a day
Than any other man on Toner's bog.
Once I carried him milk in a bottle
Corked sloppily with paper. He straightened up
To drink it, then fell to right away
Nicking and slicing neatly, heaving sods
Over his shoulder, digging down and down
For the good turf. Digging.

The cold smell of potato mold, the squelch and slap
Of soggy peat, the curt cuts of an edge
Through living roots awaken in my head.
But I've no spade to follow men like them.

Between my finger and my thumb
The squat pen rests.
I'll dig with it.

Seamus Heaney

- from Death of a Naturalist (1966)

2010-08-13T12:59:00.004+08:00

tech idiot, who?

just a little self-indulgent after furnishing the blog.

there's nothing like a good ol' clean-up to make me feel like writing again. i can't even begin to tell you how critical i have been on myself since i started exposing my penmanship to the myriad of editors. let's just say, i stopped writing to make myself feel better.

i told myself a couple of months ago to lock up my lexicon of literary language. writing in the papers is all about the objectivity and the immediacy. you need to push forward the news point, simplify your words and make it sharp and clean. well, that was how i was taught and that was how i should write, i reckon.

but nearly three months down the writer's path, i missed the summer-sweet flowers, the whiffs of fresh lavender and the touch of my pen. my pen. and also because i think my editors don't mind an occasional literary intoxication.

but don't take me wrongly, SPH has been smashin!

i kept pinching myself to make sure i was in real life - how can anything called Work be so amazing? how can waking up at 7am to watch out for errant cyclists at Sembawang MRT station feel so good?

and i think i heard a piece of puzzle fitted nicely into its place somewhere in the Higher Place. that's why, that's why.

i can't help but thank God.

2010-05-19T23:08:00.003+08:00

with due respect.

it has been laying around for the longest time, untouched. like a middle-aged woman who has outgrown her beauty and svelte contours, it has forgotten the wonder of being looked on with admiring glances.

i guess it was the new things in my life that had so appropriately and, perhaps, more delightfully, seized its rightful places in my life. this menopausal lady can be so demanding and exhausting to maintain. but at the same time, if i would spend more time on it, i would have sustained a certain passion that would continue to burn even as it ages.

nubile young things like Ms Face B. and 21-year-old Forever have so mercilessly seduced my roving gaze. they drew me to their bosoms like how i first encountered this ex-wife. it was soon, impossible to wean myself of them. i went to them daily; sometimes, many hours at one go. i knew my old lover, Really-Loud, was waiting patiently for me but i was just too engrossed.

but every time i encountered stumbling blocks and exciting things in life, i would always think of my aging girl first. she was still, and would always be, my first love. you know how people always say first loves are the most memorable; Really-Loud never fails to come into my consciousness even as i wandered elsewhere.

on my first day at work, i told myself i would go back to her. i wanted to share this phase of my life with her. i guess 21-year-old Forever was too sapping (literally, for the bank account) and Ms Face B. was a little too snappy, i knew my girl would suit me just fine.

i'm going to start romancing you again, Really-Loud.

and quoting from my first ever entry on this space, i would say it again: for the inhabitants of the world, it's going to be a whirl of a time.

2010-04-06T12:16:00.006+08:00

don't you dare.

a community of politics (what does that even mean)

i reserve my strongest word for the sea of people around me every single day. when you live in a world downtrodden by the darkest stain a girl can ever have on her skirt, you would inevitably have to expect verbal swords and daggers crossing your paths every minute and every day. i hate politicking nonsense.

i hate having to look at someone in the eye and say niceties when deep down, you burn. the fire consumes your soul and sometimes, it goes all the way up to your brain. you cease to think every single time you smile and give a ceremonious pat on a person's shoulders. as if you could stop the desire to give a hard twist to dislocate the bloody structure that is holding the person.

deep at night, your eyes hurt. it hurts from staring too long at that blot of stain. it feels as if you have cut off a part of you, hating. that's when you know you have looked enough - when every thing else feels dimly bright, too bright, because you have been staring too hard at the black. you need to readjust.

when you do, things might not get better. but you would perhaps, find yourself a little wiser confronting what should not be confronted. what should have been kept in the sanctity of the sulphurous fires behind the gates of Hades. maybe you would find yourself entwined into the lure of the darkness that is so mysterious, yet, at the same time, alluring.

maybe, it's then, you'll know you need to stop.

perhaps, it's then, that you'll finally look beyond what looks so small, in the face of the great Heavens and Hell.

it might be then, that you'll start living like you should; having hated and despised, but now, simply enlightened.

i need to look at the Rock in the sea of faces and malicious waves when i am drowning.

yes, i need that.

i guess.

2010-03-11T00:06:00.002+08:00

it's a boy!
urgh.

i am disgruntled with the way i am treated. there were so many sacrifices i had to make because of him and i could never complain. i need him for something more; that is why i need to hang on. but he needs to stop taunting me like that. the pain is too much for me to take.

yes, the period is definitely a boy.
stop bullying us.

2010-03-05T00:08:00.003+08:00

piak
piak piak piak
that's the sound of my pimples bursting

i have never seen anything as gross.

have you seen the latest advertisement on the television?! it features a pimple machine which sucks out impurities from your pores. by that, i mean the disgusting white/yellow/beige/BLEAGH coloured dirty pus that oozes out from the insides of your pores if you squeeze hard enough.

OH. MY. SMELLY. SOCKS. GAWWWWWWWD.

i was SO grossed when they did a freaking (another f word would have to be emitted out) demonstration of the pimple machine on a woman. she has a nose FULL OF PUS. my nose bled and my tongue split into two when i saw the scene on tv. i think my eyeballs sank into my bladder and got poisoned there.

the advertisement failed like a dead deer on the seletar highway. i could not even remember the name of the brand; my mind was so revolted i thought i could not live another day. trust me, you have to see the advertisement to understand the extent.

may the good Lord grant us strength for sucky advertisements. or the strength to live another day!!!!! BLEAGH!

darned, gross crap.

2010-03-03T01:24:00.003+08:00

interesting experience
maybe not a second time, though.

i watched a movie alone.

i was too bored and feeling too boring to call anybody (i'm pretty sure i'll have people watch with me if i asked) so i did it. the whole experience was great save the tics-buying part. i tried to sound as chirpy as i could but it fell flat like a prata.

the cashier, with her judgemental eyes (or so i feel), asked some questions which i was pretty sure was discriminatory of my lonesome self. why did she have to ask me if i was buying the 2.10pm show when it was 2.08pm when i bought it? she could be thinking that i was buying tickets for a LATER show because i have to wait for my friends (who might be late); which is not the case! it was an extremely lone-ist question and i have half a mind to lodge a complaint.

or maybe i was thinking a tad too much.
or maybe not!

she made me choose a seat! why would she do that?! was that on purpose to show me the lonesome seat amidst all the group seating arrangements? she should have known i would love the middle, slightly top but not too top, at least 3 seats away from the next person seat! SHE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!

i was forged in such unforgiving gazes of those people.

or maybe, i am just going a little berserk from the heat.

2010-02-26T15:11:00.003+08:00

elation over an email
i love professor yerkes.

amidst all the cluttered deadlines and presentations due this week, i survived! but not without a few blessings here and there; and a particular one from my professor for Ethnic American Literature, who loves tiger beer and who always fantacizes about it during lessons.

here's an email he sent to myself and two other friends who did the presentation with me:

Dear Sarah, Serene, and Serene,

I thought you did an impressive job on the presentation yesterday. I had come across the article you covered in your own research, and had not found it very helpful, but your presentation productively covered its main ideas and shed some light on Roth's story, and also raising some interesting questions during your Q&A.

Your powerpoint slides were clear and uncluttered, and your handout was well developed, helping your audience to follow along. Your presentation style was, in my opinion, very effective -- especially in the first and third presenters, but true for all three -- moving briskly through interesting claims that connected together, and you seemed confident and comfortable with the presentation material.

I also like the sense of humor and light self-mockery that gave the presentation a human touch.

Nicely done! Grade (for all 3): A

Regards,
Prof. Yerkes

my heart was all fuzzy wuzzy reading this. all together now, awwwwwwwwwwwww.

Dear Prof. Yerkes,

I love you.

With love,
Sarah

2010-02-25T01:21:00.002+08:00

you don't know how i feel
but neither do i.

truth is, i am taking up the sph internship.

but it is a heavy price to pay to pursue my only begotten dream. can you imagine working on sundays? only pastors work on sunday, and the reason is because God won't strike them down with lightning. no wonder so many journalists die in their job.

but you know what? i think i am just going to try it.

not because i am not afraid of getting struck down by lightning; perhaps, because i know deep down this is where i should go. and God knows i will look up the skies and see the lightning fall. so maybe because God has put this guts in me, He will just spare me from an electrifying death.

i think so, i really do.
but of course God is not like that.

i am at an age where every one around me is so worried about their future and their careers and what to eat. it's getting really scary because for me, if not sph, then where? sigh, i need to take a look at God's Book of Life man.

or maybe a good sleep will do just fine.

2010-02-23T23:49:00.000+08:00

i can't stop smiling these days
and it's all because of a boy.

i am going to have tuition with a 3-year-old boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHA! sorry this looks really secondary school but omgzzzzzzzzz............................................... he's like so cute lor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i lubs him so much!!

you have no idea what i mean by cute. he's a northern indian boy who lives just 2steps from my gate (or 1, if i jump). YES, no kidding. from my gate to his gate, i need to take 2 seconds. so the story goes: his mother approached me to teach little "prateush" (i think it's spelt like that) chinese because they obviously cannot speak it at all.

he is learning chinese in his nursery now and has homework he has to complete. and i am FREAKING SUPPOSED TO HELP HIM WITH IT! HOW CUTE IS THAT?!

i cannot contain my excitement, seriously. prateush has bambi eyes and speaks as cute as he looks. i have no idea how to speak cutely but prateush can do just that. not only so, he has a little brother, "pranum" (okay, i am quite sure this is wrong spelling) who is only 1-year-old this year and is AS CUTE AS HIM!

what's the best thing?

GETTING PAID FOR IT.
i think i'm in heaven.

2010-02-19T01:10:00.002+08:00

the pains of facebook
dear Lord, stop me from stalking.

i have been the biggest stalker. i stalk every one on my list. okay, maybe some who are not on my list. i cannot take it anymore.

the problem about facebook is that it supports voyeurism. why would i want to look into the life of a stunningly beautiful friend whom i lost contact with who is, BY THE UNFORTUNATE WAY, a hot pretty air stewardess now? i do not want to look at anything through her eyes because my eyes are going green from mould.

i do not want to see her peektures (ahem) of her travels to switzerland, sweden, london (Lord, save me) and the likes. I DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT.

well, i am certainly not envious because i am rather happy with what i have now. you know, studies, ntu, lots of books, good tuition kids... did i mention LOTS of books? and oh, i feel happy enough seeing the Universal studios in singapore. who cares about united states, really. like REALLY.

it is precisely times like this when i ask myself how contented i am. the answer ain't holy at all. i seriously feel like laughing at myself in the face. GAH!

2010-02-16T01:40:00.003+08:00

dry spell
some difficulty churning out alphabets

it is perhaps a failure to recall certain memories of the daily happenings.
maybe i am too lazy to put them into words
or facebook has become a bigger draw;
maybe twitter's 140 words would suffice
but still i think,
the problem lies with me afterall.

i have, rather officially, gone into a dry, dry season in writing.
i cannot write in acerbic undertones like how i use to
conforming to those societal demands, maybe; i don't know.
but words have certainly drained out.

what i need is not too far-fetched
though it seems a depraved notion as of now
i need some time, i guess.
just a little while to gather my thoughts and remember how i was
i need to forget what is correct

and start thinking like how i did
forget SPH, forget hedwig, forget tutorials and assignments
think justice and dignity and passion and freedom
and think writing.

and then, start writing.
maybe i would find it soon, afterall.
Writing, you scare me.

2010-02-08T23:05:00.002+08:00

snake and ladder
there will always be a ladder when there is a snake

i shall never take bus913 in the evening again.

tell me again, what do kids do in PE these days? do they like jump into the rubbish chute for swimming lessons? i do not mean to probe; but i cannot help it when they smell like they have 20 dead rats hanging on them and they are holding the bus handle just beside me. i was really sorry to say i pinched my nose until she got off the bus.

i seriously had a fairly good day so i would never expect the only bane of my life (okay, day) to be smelly school-going kids. well, don't ever associate me with school-going because anywhere that does not incarcerate you with something so smelly called Physical Education is uh-uh, not school. so.

i cannot say that i smell exactly the nicest; but at least i don't smell like i rolled over vomit! twice! honestly, thinking about it makes my blood boil because the poor school girl was standing beside me from causeway point all the way to 2 stops before my stop. that is nearly 4hours if you consider the time i fell unconscious and died from asphyxiation.

a few thousand phrases related to rubbish chute, vomit, decomposing rats and a few biblical ones like "get behind me, satan" ran through my head.

i am so going to lodge a complaint! GAH.

2010-02-01T23:52:00.004+08:00

spawn and spawn and spawn
if there's a baby, that means there is a guy involved.

oh my goodness, there is this female i know who has been hiding a very ugly secret. i had thought that she was alone in her house; little did i know, she was housing a male in her hideout. not only so, they have spawned.

SPAWNED!

may the Good Lord bless her soul - i saw her offspring when i stepped into the dark, dark place. fear was palpable in my nervous footsteps. i dropped all my plans to get a cool, nice drink and went back to my room, feeling all at once aghast and nauseous.

it had never felt this bad.

knowing there is an annoying lizard under the fridge and seeing a small little lizard scurrying past the kitchen floor. now i know there are at least 3 nincompoops under your fridge. how comforting.

you know things cannot be all that good if a guy is involved.

2010-01-27T01:00:00.002+08:00

there is a season for everything
the season to write is here.

i sincerely love to write; though i got sick of it for a while when i had an overdose (yes, i am talking about you, model compos). i had to wait for the jelat feeling to subside before i could reach for my figurative pen to begin writing again. to be honest, i missed writing.

i missed seeing my thoughts coming alive in the form of alphabets; i certainly missed playing with them. i would do it a hundred times even if i know that nobody is reading it - well, though that happens all the time with my literature essays - but, ANYWAY.

let me find that oomph back in my writing first before i start coming up with longer, more interesting posts about life and about things. as for now, i guess i just need to psyche myself that I DO LOVE WRITING and that nothing will ever make me stop...

even if SPH says no to me.

2009-12-11T00:50:00.002+08:00

what i want, how i want
strip me bare, what will i be?

writing compositions for the primary 4s and 5s had such powerful uprooting effect on me. the sort of paradigm shift in order to write according to how a model composition should be is truly, devastating.

i have been so used to describing myself in "i am as cold as the ringing telephone and as playful as a nike water bottle". so much so, cliches like "he was as quiet as a mouse" kills me. my soul feels like it is ripped apart 200 times a day and spasms reverberate through my nerves. i die writing cliches.

when words no longer describe how i truly am, who will i be? i find myself bounded by the sheer redundancy of words like "sarah is a nice and helpful girl". you use "nice" on dogs and "helpful" on report books. never on human beings.

so tell me, what would i ever be if i am never able to be described by words? i will be free, my friends. as free as a freaking plastic bag and i don't care if you cannot understand.

and don't even tell me how i would be restrained by the term "free" because i will make you spell free a thousand times until this word no longer means a thing to you.

burn in scorching hell, model compositions; even-though-i-rather-enjoy-laughing-at-the-modelness-of-my-writing.

2009-11-12T23:06:00.003+08:00

funny why i bothered.

it was a sunday, 8th november 2009.

my feet died.

it was a certain day after a stupid decision to do a 15km, which broke them. it is seriously in twos now, split apart. it hurts so bad when i walk i feel like a duck with four pairs of waddling flaps. four pairs.

i need to turn them into human feet again.
please God, resurrect my 2 foot.

2009-11-07T00:15:00.002+08:00

common sense means nothing to me
i remembered the day i discovered common sense.

it was a cold, rainy day i remember.
i was young.
hair tucked behind my ears and all.

i was having history lesson and certainly, not paying attention in class when suddenly, my teacher icantrememberhername said "sarah, you would know this"

i looked up from my daze and wondered what i would know.
nothing, i thought.

the question was this: "where is the indus river located - 2 marks"
hmmmm. looks familiar.

my teacher icantrememberhername said: "well, you should tell the class your answer in the mid-years paper you did"
oh yes, oh yes, this question was from the midyears.
and i said: "FUZHOU!" with a gusto i never dared to muster even now.

i heard very slight giggles and my teacher icantrememberhername rolled her eyes.
she told me it was wrong and said:
"the answer is very simple. you probably don't even need to study for it. just use your common sense"

common sense? that should be easy, right? right?
then i started:

"venice?" no.
"hainan?" no.
"suzhou?" no.
"errr, usa?" NO.
"ok, singapore" i concluded.
and the giggles became apparent even my teacher icantrememberhername had troubles keeping down.

she said: "sarah, it's common sensical. just think, indus sounds like?"
i said: "industry"
she said: "NO, it sounds like INDIA"

really?

and i sat down wondering if i would ever possess common sense if i cannot even see the link. i felt like crying. and today, while teaching some primary2 children, i remembered it again.

they asked, "can i play under the table?" and i said "common sense tells you no, so i guess, no is my answer". i had an epiphany. you need age and experience for your common sense to grow.

and the tint of hurt disappeared inside of me.
it was okay that i didn't have it then.
it's really fine.

2009-11-04T00:44:00.003+08:00

everything is like a copy of
a copy of
a copy
living my day a minute at a time.

every time i begin an essay, i will tell myself "okay, just write something simple". but then, the more i think about it, the more complicated my topic sentence gets. and poof, i end up writing a potential graduation thesis rather than what a 2500-word essay should be.

i would wonder then, "why would i want to make my life so difficult?"

and i came up with a million and one excuses. i will just share 2 of them because i would be writing another graduation thesis here if i were to explain to you what my complex brain is going through right now. ah, shut up Freud.

1. it's a good practice
2. i don't know why i do what i do

dang, the 1st is basically crap. who needs to practice for their grad essays seriously. and the 2nd, well, i feel like poking my eyes now.

life doesn't have to be that difficult. it is really not that complicated.
so sarah, stay simple and live life easily.

and it's okay that you can't think of how to end this blog post.
it's really okay.

2009-10-30T01:25:00.002+08:00

i usually love galores but essays?!
everything in excess just feels disgusting.

like listening to JS's Officially Missing You which was nice for the first 50 hits; after that, it's just like "hey, they sound weird here" or "oh okay, nice" kind of thing. by the way, please check it out on youtube because for some reason i just couldn't embed it in the post. but well, all the better for me isn't it? trust me, it's really good stuff there - just stop after the 49th time.

the same goes for essays. after 2 and a 1/2 years, 5 semesters, 29 modules, 100+AUs and 1 wisdom tooth gone, enough is enough. i should have the right to stop when i know I CANNOT THINK ANYMORE limit has been reached, right? Right?

i love the adrenaline of writing essays. but when the only adrenaline i get while typing about caryl churchill's top girls is the depressingly uninspired adrenaline, it is really time to take a break.

so, i think i am going to take a break.
and start again tomorrow.

...

2009-10-21T00:46:00.003+08:00

i cheat you not, singaporeans will one day get wiped out because we have all melted into one big bowl of perspiration

it has been darned hot. drats.

i cannot even begin about the sheer humidity before i would have to go grab another towel to clean the new pool of sweat that has just gathered above my lips. i feel like if i don't, i might really just drown from the perspiration that has formed over my lips. it is a torture.

i am at home now, sitting in front of a heater which comes in the form of my hp laptop, with a fan that rotates to me every 10 minutes and a non-working air conditioner that is currently emitting very, very warm air.

just kick me unconscious now, seriously.

and i just received an email from yang from beijing telling us how he is cold like crap there. i cannot even blurt out an obscenity, really.

the redeeming factor that singapore has is probably the excuse to push everything to the malfunctioning weather. got gastric pain? it's the weather. leg pain? must be the heat.

drats; it is so hot i don't feel like going to school tomorrow,
and i have a feeling my prof will totally understand.

2009-10-19T02:08:00.003+08:00

all i want to do

is to screw it all.

yes, i can.

but no, i won't.

2009-10-15T23:33:00.002+08:00

respite
after months of gruelling tuition giving,
it has finally come to an end.

you know it when exams are round the corner. my eyes get swollen with sags no concealer can cover, face a picture of distress and utter exhaustion and weight loss/gain (it's difficult to say with my yoyo mass when i get stressed).

and it's not even my exams.

i am very happy with this year's batch of tuition students taking exams because i see many of them putting in effort and lots of heart in their work. maybe because most of them are old enough to worry for their possibly bleak future if they don't do well, i don't even need to nag this time round.

other than some of my secondary school kids like ahem, a certain washingtonDC as i would like to name him thereafter.

i guess other than letting them rest and enjoy their well-deserved holiday for awhile, it is time i get some rest given the amount of hours i had worked the past 2 months. it is not just me who would deserve such a time; i have a feeling my essays and assignments deserve it too. i have neglected them for far.too.long.

thank God for such moments when i can tell my mom, on a cool monday night that, yes mommy, i am coming home for dinner - and let's go repair your specs which i stepped on with my mighty elephant leg like 6 months ago after dinner.

i clearly enjoy my respite.
please, essays and assignments, just be good and get done alright.

2009-10-06T23:58:00.002+08:00

it's probably...
monday blues extending into wednesday.

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rgrohgroighr
forihgr[oihgr
orghr[oigheor
2uyf2eufwtfd
deubnavhdvdh
sofheifhefhekk

oeihriehfeoifheofeifheof !#$%^&*(O)P

pfeoifhoeiismlnqsbx dlefmlek dj pwirpeorp wlrhe'oiryoeityoiyt oihfoeihfo
dhiowhdiohwidhwidhiw qoiwheoiq[QWOUHDOIFHE

ERTYUIOIUHGFVBNM,MNBVCXZSDFGHJKLKJHGFDFRTH

try seeing that in your brain every time you attend a class.

2009-10-01T02:06:00.002+08:00

inglouriously irksome.
i did not just watch Inglourious Basterds.
i did not just watch Inglourious Basterds.
i did not just watch Inglourious Basterds.
i did not just watch Inglourious Basterds.
i did not just watch Inglourious Basterds.
i did not just watch Inglourious Basterds.
i did not just watch Inglourious Basterds.
i did not just watch Inglourious Basterds.
i did not just watch Inglourious Basterds.
i did not just watch Inglourious Basterds.
i did not just watch Inglourious Basterds.

too bad repeating it 10 times has no effects on me. i did watch it and am horrified that the cinema ratings is only M18. i am 21 and i think my lungs suffered a seizure and contracted. nevermind the bad spelling (yes, and i haven't even touched on that), how can brad pitt (or for the record, uma thuman from Kill Bill fame) get themselves involved in such senseless gore?

even though i watched it because i thought brad was cute inside, what is cute when you have cut-up scalps, flying organs, blown up eye and seriously (?), mashed brains and erm, testicles resounding behind your mere desire to look at pitt-boy.

the only cute thing is probably my 10 chewed-up fingertips.

nobody should ever watch it. it should be like R112 and the sole reason why the 113 year-old centenarian would want to watch it is because he/she is sick of living (and he/she wouldn't be able to go to heaven because watching Inglourious Basterds is like committing suicide).

what am i talking about,
just do yourself a big favour and don't watch it man.

2009-09-30T01:16:00.002+08:00

please jab the darn toothbrush into the gums over and over again and then start brushing on it
no kidding, that is what i think about every.single.morning

i don't know whether it is the way i hold my toothbrush or whatever the reasons are; but i keep jabbing my toothbrush into my lower gum that i don't think there's a spot that i hadn't.

it kills me to tear my own tender gums but i cannot help it! I DON'T KNOW WHY.

i have always had problems with brushing my teeth. when i was primary 4 and in the morning session, i would rather brush the wall to achieve the "tchk tchk tchk" sound to deceive my mom than to really put it in my mouth to start cleaning my mouth.

well, i guess after i grew up i got a little more sensible and decided to really brush it - it is never top on my priority though i keep thinking it is. i spend a proportionately large amount of time brushing my teeth in the morning. like if i have 10 minutes to get ready, i would spend 40% of it on my teeth.

but out of the 4 minutes, 2 minutes is spend on wincing in pain and squeezing the blood from my gums because i cannot help but jab it over and over again and bleed till i feel faint every morning.

so, perhaps i should really just go without brushing my teeth for awhile. or maybe just go for another wisdom tooth extraction which will make it even more legitimate for me to stop brushing altogether.

go away, ulcers.
all the more, go away, TOOTHBRUSHES.

2009-09-26T01:20:00.002+08:00

a 'sweet little one' afternoon
Mietta's @ Arab Street

it was my free day and i spent the very lovely afternoon with my friend, sharon. she never fail to impress me with her ability to seek out a quaint, artful place for our gatherings. and as usual, i enjoyed her choice for today - Mietta's @ Arab Street.

there is this 1-for-1 promotion going on for CitiBank card holders until next year which is seriously, splendidly worth the money if you like an italian-french afternoon. we completely indulged ourselves with lobster bisque for starters, penne vodka with prawns/ lobster with lemony cream sauce for the mains and of course, the wondrous tiramisu and vanilla panna cotta for desserts.

it was so good.

no kidding, but the unlikely generous (for an italian restaurant, really) portions made me so full i thought i was limping when i walked to bugis mrt. and when sharon started sharing her list of people she would love to bed, i think i swallowed a gulp of lobster that regurgitated up.

what really made the afternoon awesome was realizing how our friendship has surpassed time and proximity that we can still talk and laugh like old times. it was enjoyable reminiscing about the recent past and whatever memories that managed to surface from our subconscious. and of course, the lobster overload perfected it.

and oh, there was the book of HAPPINESS where we believe that we are the chocolate buttons on top of the GREAT CARAMEL PUDDING of Life.

we repeated that 10 times we were both dizzy with happiness,
and perhaps, overdosed with our quirky friendship.

[photos @ fb]

2009-09-22T11:15:00.003+08:00

of friends

i have a friend who makes sure i study for COM207; she would check whether i have read my readings (yes, she tests my understanding sometimes) and she would scold me if she finds out that i do not get full marks for my quizzes.

i also have this friend who makes me type down all the notes during Literature and Madness because she feels so tired and wants to sleep. and because she sleeps all the time during class, i have no choice but to stay awake.

and there's a friend who stays so near that we try to go to school together every time. though we end up not meeting each other 3/4 of the time, she pretty much serves as my motivation to go to school because i don't want to disappoint her and make her a lonely soul.

oh, and i have friends who try to disrupt my studying plans by asking me out for a movie (because they are all working!!). but i am still thankful they remembered me; and as much as i was not able to make it, i was thinking of them all the time.

besides that, i have church friends who encourage me - though sometimes, such encouragement are build on merely sitting down together for a meal or laughing at jokes and the facial contortions of wenqi - we know we are pressing on together.

similarly, i am glad that i make a nightly date with God, my best friend, even when i am at the brink of dying from exhaustion every night. i talk to Him knowing that He is right next to me even as i lament about tiring days and boring lectures.

it is interesting how i think of my friends when i am in the very heat of mugging and feeling stressed.

2009-09-19T23:46:00.002+08:00

of hopes and dreams

i recently became depressed by how uninspired i am to blog. it is not even because i do not have the right words - it is simply because i am too lazy. this is precisely why i got depressed. laziness has never been an issue for me because i am powerfully disciplined. once i get down to doing work, i don't ever stop. this is not meant to be a compliment - it is just my character.

so i have been feeling so crappy down because i don't feel like blogging because i feel lazy. i have a nagging lazy bone that is aching so bad.

i have also been skipping meals because i feel lazy all the time to find a place to park my ass for 1/2 hour to move my jaws; so i don't eat a lot these days. even if i do, i dread it. life has been like a pile of chores waiting for my to tick off the to-do list. mundane and extremely bleargh.

but.

i have decided to do something about it. so i am blogging today because i want to make a statement to that periodic lazy bone in me - go away, you, you lazy bone, like seriously.

... wow, what a bad, boring, uninspiring blog post this is. i can't even churn out something funny to scold my lazy bone. laziness has made me so boring.

dang, i really need to get 'it' back.

2009-09-10T09:59:00.005+08:00

09/09/09
i woke up dizzy and feverish. felt a little hungry so i ate some leftovers from dinner the night before and concluded that it was spoilt so i stopped after 2 mouthfuls. took flu tablet and went for tuition; realized it wasn't really helping so i took another tablet. went for another tuition and nearly fainted from the mild overdose. sped home and fell unconscious for 1 hour. woke up hungry and my mom fed me nice, warm kimchi soup. went for third tuition and came home to the best moment of my day: watching Heart of Greed on channel8. and my OVE'08 people saved the day by bringing me out for a great supper and awesome friendship.

just like every other day.

when i got home at around 1230am, i decided that i need to find something from my tabl... what table? so, i started to clean up.

so it began with this

then i found something familiar; it was the programmes
booklet from OVE'08! spot the names; they are my close friends now!
(from top; rachel, emma, yenling and desmond)i found all 3 of my watches on the table too; white swatch, manly fossil and
beautiful titus (of course). awesome memories from these watches.well, along the way, i also found this letter from the traffic police.
they sent it to me after i wrecked havoc at their centre.i also realized i completed a certain run; 10km to be exact,
my first definitely; and realized it has been ONE year since.and there was a certain india memory which didn't happen that long
time ago - that's stacey and i on a sulky elephant and that's the
moneyfaced elephant manfound a touching card from a certain someone called racheleahweediscovered a treasure in the dumps and saved it; it was taken when i visited
cambodia's angkor wat; i gave an obstinate look which i have

no idea why as my table got cleaner, i also found a familiar restaurant card
which i had excitedly taken on my first visit there;

and it turned out to be where i celebrate my 21st.finally, the table got cleaned.and i couldn't really sleep even though it was so late already.
and when i finally did, i dreamt of all the good, fine things in life.

and 090909 wasn't so normal afterall.

2009-08-24T01:10:00.006+08:00

excuse me while i become a hideous monster I AM THE MONSTER WISDOM TOOTH
percy shelley obviously forgot to add "sarah" in front of "Frankenstein"!

i have been feeling rather monstrous these days. at times, i think i am going to fall apart for the sheer knowledge that my left cheek has grown the size of an elephant and my whole face looks like it is going to burst with pus (or whatever it is inside the bigfatlump). i hadn't been able to sleep without drooling gazillion litres of saliva and flipping my face to and fro that spot. so basically, i drowned myself several times a night on my pillow.

so, lola, heck what your friend told ya about bleeding on her pillow; the main thing here is to stay alive while sleeping!

and of course, let's not forget that i haven't seen daylight for the past 72hours. and my mother is like the mad scientist who is keeping me indoors and disallowing me to show my face to the brave new world. i haven't combed my hair for a few days because i don't have to and i am missing a tooth. and if i open my mouth wide enough, i might throw up some blood. am i frankenstein or am i frankenstein (in a really eerie voice)?!

of course, like every other monster stories, the utter absence of perfect English pronounciation is a must. i have been pfft-ing at the end of my words so much i gave up speaking in English. so, yup, you guessed it. i taught GP tuition in chinese just now, interesting huh?

i seriously need anti-depressant from this elephant lump on my left cheek.
some told me it will go away,
AFTER ONE WEEK.

allow me to wallow in deep, poignant misery.

my attempt at looking HUMAN!!! :(
Ha, Ha, Ha (monstrous laugh)

2009-08-13T00:19:00.003+08:00

may Death be bestowed upon the mosquitoes and bugs of the world
i have been disfisgured. E-V-E-R-Y SINGLE PART OF ME.

i have been thanking Heavens that nobody has brought me to the Centre of Communicable Disease (CDC), yet. i look like a huge red-poked lump of flesh can. to be specific, i probably look like a giant swollen mosquito bite from far who is scratching herself even redder. it is so bad that if i dare joke about it, well, i give you permission to activate one of my bites.

and hello, it is not at all a small punishment okay. activating one bite means that the surrounding bites will more or less be activated too since i will be scratching the general area. boy oh boy, you should see me scratch; you wouldn't want to activate any of them because you would pity my poor activated spot which is going to swell and itch even more.

i considered biting off my flesh because it would not itch then. but obviously my teeth wouldn't be so strong right, so i cannot do it. i did try praying that my itch would miraculously heal; i certainly believe God can do it, but i guess He wants me to learn Self Control. you can learn something from mozzies you know.

so from now until i am all healed from itch, scream at me if you do see me scratching. or just let me scratch until i pain myself to tears.

S***** DANG THING, MOZZIES BITES FROM CAMBODIA!
burn in hell like the monkeys did.

2009-08-11T00:37:00.003+08:00

no space for mathematics
i just realized i took up a module that has a 4hour lect and 1hour tut.
was i blind or was i blind?!

i was just telling zh over the phone that i was extremely puzzled why nobody wants to take Cinema Studies (for the sole reason that many students want to watch movies and not have any readings) since there were still loads of vacancies the last time i checked. just when we were analyzing the reasons together, i realized that the timing for the lecture is from 1400 to 1800hr.

i did a simple math calculation 1800 - 1400 = 400 and that is 4 hours. no, that is not possible. 1800 = 6pm, 1400 = 2pm. hence, it is 6pm - 2pm = 4HOURS??!?!

4 FREAKIN' HOURS OF CINEMA STUDIES!!! NO WONDER NOBODY WANTS TO TAKE IT!!!
oh, and i forgot to add: THERE'S 1 MORE HOUR OF TUTORIAL!!!

this is the first time something so big happened to me because of the absence of a mathematical side in my brain.

i have a pea brain for numbers. no wonder the lecture slot looked so long on my timetable.

dang.

2009-07-18T02:30:00.003+08:00

thus far.

have you ever had the feeling of relief when you know you have accomplished something major? i always have this feeling when i get off tuition (well, not for diancong though since he's so cute i want to give him money for having tuition with me). the feeling of such relief is unfathomable; euphoric but not exactly that but certainly happy, unburdened.

i feel this way not because i don't enjoy tuition, don't get me wrong. i absolutely adore going for tuitions because it is my responsibility and i know i have to do it and face those annoying kids who don't do their homework and would give you messy homework (yes, that is you qy). i absolutely adore it, really. no sarcarsm intended.

okay, maybe some. but it's not a lot.

i always feel that because it is very important to me. every single session of tuition means a lot to me in building up a rapport and trust between my kids and i. so, after every tuition session, i feel very relieved because i get off an intense 1 hour and 30 minutes where it is just me, my tuition kid and their messy homework which they scribbled just 3minutes before i arrive. not that i am the best tuition teacher around, but precisely because i am not, i know i have to put in my best.

i guess that is the same attitude i am going to bring to Cambodia tomorrow.

i have been planning and organizing this volunteering expedition (with my main comm, of course) for the past one year and tomorrow, yes, tomorrow is the trip itself. i am both excited and stressed at the same time that i feel slightly lunatic. and like always, i am not packed, not finished and not ready. but like how i am every tuition, the next 15 days will be extremely intensive and highly-charged because i want to give my best.

it sounds cliche, yes, especially to someone who has done these a million times. or like 2 times. but i am going to prep my brain tonight and tune to gearing up for cambodia.

and like every tuition, i would always heave a sigh of relief at the end and thank God for having gave my best.

stay with me in prayers!

rock away to cambodia!
(by the way, that's my friends and i in nepal while boating; we met a storm!)

2009-07-14T02:09:00.002+08:00

i am keeping my wisdom tooth.
after watching this video!

this is hilarious!

David, after a trip to the Dentist

but i hope i would not end up like this when i remove my wisdom tooth 3 weeks later.

"IS THIS REAL LIFE?"

2009-07-10T02:49:00.002+08:00

graduation dreams ------*
kena retain in university.

other than sec2 year-end, JC1 and JC2, i have not ever been so close to being retained before; and i might just, in university! nooooooooooooo...

i just found out from my friend (dang, why did i go on fb) that i will need to take at least 6 modules every semester from now on in order to graduate on time. and i have not factor in my Graduation Thesis which i think i am going to write about why-did-romeo-kill-himself-and-juliet-die-in-the-end-and-it-is-all-shakespeare's-fault-so-why-bother, which will really make me very busy and intense.

i think i will probably graduate the same time as alice or something. she is like what, 12years old this year.

but yes, i am going work very hard this coming semester and the whole of next year so that i would not have to retain (that is going to be a $3055 debt ok) in university; which is consolably, something relatively unheard of.

that is unless i am one of the very, very few.
please God, don't ----** my graduation dreams. i was kidding when i said i want to be student forever!

* for people-who-don't-read-in-between-the-lines-(literally), it means DASHED!!
** please, go figure.

WARNING! don't date me out to eat ice-cream at udders or play games at aaron's house or eat cheesecake at siglap because i am studying hard now!!!!

[i am kidding]

2009-07-09T01:57:00.001+08:00

exclusive.
i don't like people who are exclusive. i hope i am not like that.

i want to quickly get it over and done with!!!

2009-07-08T01:40:00.002+08:00

time of my life
adrenalin pumping series of events. not again.
i actually love being an undergraduate; but.

SUBJECT REGISTRATION AT 930AM ~~TOMORROW~~ LATER!

so nerve-wrecking. and i have to think of what to take because i like it/ it is good for my GPA. i don't want to deliberate this difference now but.

argh, off to watch Michael Jackson Memorial Service.

but. [refer to bold line above]

2009-07-04T16:45:00.003+08:00

like a rainbow, fading in the twinkling of an eye
gone too soon (michael jackson)

oscar wilde once deliberated on how art imitates life. yet, what he did not realize is how life imitates art so well too. i found a wonderful song by michael jackson (no less, since he's the hype now) and truly, it foreshadows, albeit so beautifully, his colourful but short life - gone too soon.

i am not writing this because i am a big fan of his. in fact, i am anything but. i was just listening to his songs the other day because i want to find out what the MJcraze is all about; what i can say for sure is that i was certainly not disappointed.

but that is because i can see how deeply poetic his sad life is with the benefit of hindsight.

enjoy this song because i did, and feel absolutely touched by the lyrics and how it intertwines into the fleeting moments we encounter everyday.

Gone Too Soon

2009-07-01T01:01:00.002+08:00

brewing chinese herbal medicine in the toilet.
and i would suffocate and feel faint after bathing.

everytime i step into my bathroom to bathe now, i would kind of dread it for the simplest reason that i don't find myself any cleaner than before after i do so. in fact, i would feel that i stink. this has been torturing me silently because i sincerely dread bathing these days - i don't want to stink, i really don't.

why?

because i have been using the jackie chan shampoo. apparently it is called Ba Wang (meaning Domineering King... erm, okkk).

it really, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart and mind and soul and nose, stinks to the core of my bones. when i squirt the foam out, it is not like the normal white kind of foam - it is freakin' brown, and goey. when i apply it onto my hair, it feels exactly like i am rubbing herbs on my hairs and not only so, i am chewing it in my mouth. yes, believe me. it is this pungent. it is like brewing those chinese medicine in your bathroom and having your hair drink it.

but you know why i am using it? because i believe in the chinese idiom that "bitter medicine is good for you". okay, is there even such an idiom? my point is, i think there is a reason why it stinks so bad; it is probably good for you that is why it stinks to such an extent (if not, why would the people behind Ba Wang think that consumers would buy something that smells like a 500year-old ginseng that has decomposed)? my sheer perseverence is out to prove a point that i don't mind going through hardship for good things to come.

maybe it is psychological, but i think it does soften my hair to a small degree. it is showing slow but sure effects that my hair will resemble jackie chan's black crowning glory within a few more months to come (something which i am not sure why i want).

but first, i really need to psyche myself to start bathing again.
I REALLY DON'T WANT TO BATHE.

2009-06-29T00:27:00.007+08:00

the need to fly myself away.

it is not a very good hobby to have at this age.

i have been most blessed when it comes to travelling. i don't know why, but i am somehow always 'that' daring to take the step to just go. so, within 2 years, i have travelled to 1. shanghai 2. guizhou 3. south korea 4. taiwan 5. hongkong 6. laos 7. cambodia 8. india 9. nepal. it is not a lot - but for someone of my family background, this is almost too luxurious to name.

i utterly enjoy and love travelling. it is probably because i did not get to travel when i was younger that now, i am making up for it. when i was in primary school, my friends would compare how many places we have been to before. and i would make up some excuse why i have not taken a plane before like 'nah, who likes to travel'.

so when i started to have some savings of my own, i knew immediately what i wanted.

i caught the travelling bug and it has brought me thus far. well, it has certainly brought my bank account thus far too... bleargh. but i do not regret making decisions after decisions to fly away because i know that every trip makes up an unforgettable experience for me. this post is probably my way of justifying my expensive hobby that i have to quite tiringly upkeep; but it is perhaps greater so, a reminder that i am so blessed by God.

but i shouldn't push things too far sometimes. haha.

here are some of my nepal and india trip pictures (i went with my good friends kelv, des and stacey); more on fb. nonetheless, enjoy!
[ed's note: i put up quite a few of my individual photos because i am being a big, big narcissist.]

beautiful and atas restaurant that we followed after

from Lonely Planet but really, it was just a nice place, nothing else.

New Delhi, Connaught Place Outer Circle 3.

the indian hospitality - us, when we arrived from nepal in india.
New Delhi, on a Tempo (van).

the boy whom we purchased a whole lotta bracelets from.
he has the best smile in india, better than shah rukh khan ok.
i nearly wanted to marry him there.
New Delhi (again), Street Market beside our hotel.

the elephant man whom we gave "elephant rate" ($50rupees) to.
pretty turban overlooking the fort.
Jaipur, at Amber Fort.

one of the times when we rowed out to the lake to nua.
perfect weather, perfect skies, and a very uneven suntan on my arm.
Nepal, Pokhara.

we ran up to the mountain at 430am to catch the sunrise
(we took 20mins to climb a 45mins route)
TOTALLY WORTH IT. BEST EXPERIENCE TO DATE.
Nepal, Sarangkot.

best, best sunrise. most inspiring and awe-stricking.
this is the few moments between morning darkness and the
breaking of dawn. beautiful.
Nepal, Sarangkot.

snowcapped mountains! a whole range of it ok.
it is called the Annapurna Range (2nd highest peak in the WORLD)
and i was there!!!
Nepal, World Peace Pagoda.

lovely sunset we caught. i would have loved to kiss the sun
but well, i don't mind a make-believe one too!
Nepal, Nagarkot.

good times man. next destination to aim for?

SWITZERLAND
where the swiss alps are!

2009-06-24T17:43:00.022+08:00

oh the wonderous happenings these days
i have been the most fortunate!

the past 3 weeks has been the most happening; undoubtedly the most fulfilling of my life! not only did i embark on my most expensive holiday to date, to nepal and india, i had the closest encounters with the coolest of all, Jesus! believe me when i say happening, i mean HAPPENING!
the 10-11days i was in nepal was simply breathtaking. well, other than the fact that sometimes it was literally breath-taking when we hurtled in phenomenal dashes up the mountain because we wanted to catch the sunrise, it was inspiringly awesome. the company was great and the scenery was extremely enchanting. imagine waking up to snow-capped mountains every day, overlooking sunrises that burst from the mountain peaks and rowing your little sampan out into the horizon of a setting sun (that is only if it doesn't start raining where your only escape is into the embrace of your Creator, God). i love nepal, i really do.

oh oh oh, it's like you're julia andrews in the Sound of Music, just that you don't have those irritating kids around you! such magnificent joys that can be derived from nature! we also water rafted in the himalayan waters where the rapids were almost too serene to marry our excitement; but all was made up for when we jumped into the chilly cold waters and swam to our heart's content!

well, india was good fun too; but only if you look at our nightly taidi and bridge sessions more than the activities we did. the few highlights and wow-factors of the trip has got to be the taj mahal visit and some rather spectacular looking structures. oh, and india was also interesting (not) because we could play "spot the most peeing men on the streets and win grand prizes!". and guess what the prizes were?! dettol; to wash your eyes with. GG.

but let me credit india for its gastronomical food that suited my palate more so than my friends'. loved the spices and the rich aromatic jasmine smell so much that i went on a northern indian buffet just this sunday night. we found cool places like sheesha and waves to satisfy our curiosity in real northern indian cuisine!

yet, as much as i enjoyed the holiday, i missed being in the fellowship of my bros and sisters who were in the midst of the E3 camp! i kept telling God that i don't want to miss out on the great blessings and encounters with Him; and my dear Father answered my prayers. i encountered Him face-to-face during the philip mantofa conference.

to be honest, i cannot find physical words to describe my beautiful experience with God. i can use 5 full paragraphs to poetically describe the wonders i saw in nepal and india; but our God is too magnificent to put into words. and let me tell you, that 5minutes with God far, far surpass that 5 paragraphs of great escapade. so friends, you have to taste this sweetness of God yourself; because there is no other way to do so.

i praise you, God!

[ed's note] photos to be put up soon! (:

2009-05-29T00:50:00.002+08:00

sayonara. aufwiedersehen. aurevoir. ciao. goodbye.
and i don't know how to say goodbye in nepalese.

my dear (and hefty) nepal+india trip is fast approaching. in fact, before you can ask "oh when are you going to nepal/india?", i will be gone already. to be very precise, it is in a very countable 84hours. and i still don't even know how to speak a single nepalese language.

but i have a feeling i would not need to know so much. first of all, i wouldn't need to use the "where is the toilet" phrase in either nepal or india. the horrible, and extremely unfortunate, truth is that you probably wouldn't want to use it. secondly, i would be ripped off anyway given that i am an asian skin (in a sense, not south asian). so, i wouldn't have to learn any phrases that require me to bargain. And seriously, shopping?

i remember learning an indian phrase "yenge iruke" which means "where are you?". but i guess i wouldn't be needing it any time soon in india/nepal. why the *********** would i be asking anybody yenge iruke? worse come to worse, i'll just start spouting the indian version for the mrt voiceovers. like "wonverde wonverde wonverde" whenever somebody asks me everything; complete with a slight tilt of the head to the right. i'll speak it with so much gusto that a do-you-want-to-go-to-taj-mahal question can be answered with "999".

WONVERDE, WONVERDE, WONVERDE!!!!

God, you've GOT TO be with me.

2009-05-20T22:05:00.005+08:00

fight, spiders, fight
awesome fighting spiders on channel 5

mediacorp is seriously going from strength to strength man. first it was the pretty spectacular "Little Nyonya", which later, degraded to become a lacklustre nyonya craze which should have died off 5 seconds after the show ended. this time round, it was channel 5 who hits all the right notes. i utterly enjoyed the recent channel5 serial "Fighting Spiders" which is showing on tuesday, 830pm.

but because i have been a good girl and not skipping prayer meeting which happens at the same time, i have not gotten the chance to watch it. yet, none but the brave will get the good stuff. i decided to attempt to overthrow the mediacorp jurisdiction by going on youtube.

voila, friends, there is nothing else that will whet your visual appetite more than the incredibly real setting of the 60's and those stunning acting by the children bareful half the age of adrian pang (whose involvement in Red Thread is a shame). charlie, soon lee and peter proved to be charmers on television, more so than the veteran actors who are embroiled in the red thread nobody truly cares about.

those who haven't watched it, you have got to! this English serial is historic for singapore!

here's a start for you:

2009-05-20T01:27:00.003+08:00

facebook super flooding craze
how well do you know _? gave me a headache and many wake up calls.

i should just fling myself on the wall and rip open my lungs and stab it 5000 times because i freakin' realized i don't know a lot about my friends. who on earth started this majorly smart way to test who your real friends are? i don't know, but he/she better start praying for salvation for the number of friendships he/she have destroyed by now.

the devastation is plain for all to see.

well, you can give easy quizzes to make sure that all your friends can at least get a 50% and live without guilt thinking that they actually know you that well. OR like what a lot people do (or maybe i just have meanies as friends), give difficult like hell questions like "when did i last have chilli crab" or like "how many times have i farted this year" kind of questions. if you are guilty of the above, don't condemn me because seriously, i don't care how many times you have farted this year!

i am not ever, ever, ever going to set a quiz on facebook any time soon because i know i belong to the kind of people who will ask how-long-is-my-small-intestine-questions. i'll probably just end up with a broken heart when everybody gets 0% for my quiz. so, i have thought of the perfect solution for this problem. i am going to tell you all the answers.

i guess it is a narcissistic way of trying to tell you about myself because seriously, why would you care? but just to help you feel a little better after failing all the quizzes on facebook, here's my simple take on how much do you know sarah.

1) what was my childhood ambition? -a pastor
2) how old was i when i had my first crush? -primary2, on a girl (for the sole reason that i didn't know what love was; but i have always been a total heterosexual please thank you)
3) what is my current favourite colour? -navy blue
4) how long did my mom took to give birth to me 21yrs ago? -30mins
5) which is my strongest sense? -sight
6) which time period do i like most in literature? -the victorian period
7) which country would i want to go back to? -hong kong, for sure.
8) how did my first hamster die? -she fell from 4th storey (the balcony of my house)
9) why did i start blogging? -for fun
10) what nagging sickness do i have since a long time ago? -migraine
11) what name did i give for my first watch (the first pearly bracelet one)? -86 because it cost $86 from my bursary money then
12) how many times have i lost my valuables? -ONCE and i lost 2 valuables all at one go
13) which side is my first wisdom tooth? -the lower left side
14) how much did i weigh at my fattest/thinnest? -68kg (holy cow)/ 44kg (dang, 6kg gain)
15) what meal would i order if i were at macdonalds? -mcspicy meal (sinful cravings man)

so please for all you out that who are making life difficult for your friends, read this blog entry and repent!!!!

2009-05-07T19:45:00.002+08:00

and i stumbled upon...
when i find a blog of someone i know.

i am an absolute gossipmonger, if you haven't noticed.

so i simply adore it when i find blogs to read; the person writing it, of which, i can put a face to. because then, with my best imaginations and accurate vision, can picture the face behind the words saying it to me. haven't you ever felt that a blog can be so personal that you can almost see their lips moving to the rhythm of the words? i have.

and so, the story goes: i found a few blogs of my fellow English majors. i truly agree with zh of how there is a certain brashness in the way English majors talk or blog. that brashness is not a euphemism for vulgarities like the eff word or you-think-you-are-witty smug talking; there is perhaps, a sort of daring and realistic accost to the world, which 99% of the English majors would think, is against them.

yup, we get it. you hate the world and apparently, the world hates you. but English majors do make them sound more poetic and less hysterical. i wouldn't say most, but many of them (us) put it so tragically across that at times, simply reading their entries seems to be a rebellion against the cruelty of the world.

then again. the blogs by which i stumble across - many of whose perceptions and actions i don't necessarily approve of. but i truly appreciate how they make blogging such a sophisticated medium for some world-bashing and emo release.

2009-05-03T00:36:00.004+08:00

conveniently left out.
the engulfing gap.

i remind myself constantly to be aware of my friends around me. it can be as you are walking, sitting down at a table, standing on the train or waiting at a queue - don't exclude.

because that mere 1 metre that you have conveniently stunted a friend's participation in a conversation or a group setting, can lead to a distance more estranged than you think. that simple distance can leave you oceans apart.

leaving someone out is not cool. neither is it convenient.

2009-04-30T12:18:00.004+08:00

jet me off to somewhere over the ~~rainbow~~ pigsty
i finally did something to my pigsty.

away with bedsheets unchanged for 3 months, away you stacks of notes, away with all you random books and papers sprawled on the floor. i welcome thee, cleanliness and order.

i never had romantic notions about my room even when everybody else around me seem to have the perfect rooms. kelv's room, if i can remember accurately, is stunning as blue boy's heaven; young alice's room looked a million dollars even though i only saw it from the photos; lola... well, at least she had a room to herself.

mine? i am just thankful i don't get stinked to death in that room.

well, it is not exactly bad to the point of no return. but because i am not a pig, i cannot go that extent of no return. so, i had decided since 2 semesters ago that i will do a major clean up of my table and parts of my room (where my sister would not implement her devastation on). i finally did it.

now, as my laptop is resting on my clear and neat grey table (thank God, i finally see the table top), i can only praise the Lord for gifting me with such an essential talent - which is to live like a human and not a pig.

hallelujah.

[no offence, sis. you're an awesome girl]

2009-04-28T14:34:00.003+08:00

my examinations can be adequately summed up by two words as Shylock, the tragic figure from Merchant of Venice, famously quipped: "Ha, ha!".

indeed, as harry levin would specifically point out, "the most protean aspect of comedy is its potential of transcending itself, for responding to the conditions of tragedy by laughing in the darkness".

the past 3 weeks resembles nothing less to a shakespearean tragedy and has left me laughing in the dark of the night with tears streaking down my face everytime i think of this examinations. nothing short of a tragedy, nothing short.

try:
1) realizing that you did not read (or in the very first place, know about) one THICK stack of readings just 5 minutes before your paper.
1.1) flipping open the paper and NOT KNOWING anything from it because everything came from (refer to point 1) the readings
2) studying for 3 out of 6 books and having the OTHER 3 come out in your exams
3) encountering setbacks from assignment grades in the midst of studying for your papers
3.1) demoralized.
4) growing a painful and throbbing wisdom tooth while studying for your exams.

if i did not have God with me for any moment while facing all these, i would have probably surmised my courage to jump off the building than to face such academic downfall. one thing for sure, it could have ended my misery faster.

but well, here i am; still so self depracating to the state of my exams and sufficiently optimistic to not jump off the building. i guess i am relying on God's promises in the bible (which i trust my entire life to) that "all things [really, really does] work for the good of those who love God [and i believe i really do]" as romans 8:28 would appropriately comfort.

extremely dramatic way to encounter God's promise, i fathom.

[ed's note]
but to be honest, i find my worries so indequate compared to so many other people in the world. take the star awards; what our fellow brother, chew chor meng is facing is probably much more excruciating to that of my little academic woes. yet, from his demeanour i see a quiet hope in such agonies. that quiet hope i see is called faith.

2009-04-12T00:22:00.008+08:00

a birthday celebration the lola style
i had the most meaningful (and terribly funny) conversation with lola today at a friend's 21st party. she is the most happening girl i know, really.

as we were overlooking our pretty friend (in tiara and frou-frou dress no less!) cutting her cake for her 21st birthday, lola and i talked about our own 21st birthdays (hers on 8th jul and mine, well, wear your specs to find it). i was just telling her who i will invite and what i will want to do for my birthday and all. you know, like how a 21st birthday should be.

but she completely blew my mind when she told me how she wanted hers (if she ever wants one). i was close to suffocation when she told me. HAHAHA.

extracted from our conversation:

me: so what do you want for your 21st party?
lola: i don't know, i don't really want to celebrate it.
me: really?! but confirm can earn presents and $ one.
lola: if i really want to hold a 21st, i'll make everybody wear black. and when they come, i'll make them sit in a circle with candles around and force them to mourn and cry for my lost youth.
me: *GUFFAWS*
lola: and i'll have a eulogy for my past 21 years and we will have to say things like "i will miss you, you're forever gone and is never coming back" kind of thing.
me: *LAUGHS EVEN HARDER*
lola: and i'll like have a fake coffin with my big photo in front and everybody has to cry for me. (then she said something about how her parents need to hire the priest to shake the bells for her HAHAHAHAHA)
me: OMG, then you can have your birthday party at the void deck with those yellow tentage thing.
lola: yeah! you must send me the colourful blanket so i can hang outside okay (with those chinese for "my condolences" or what not)
me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. since i'm a Christian, i'll send you the blue board with the bible verse.
lola: okay that sounds good.

i died laughing.

that's my favourite friend, everybody.

2009-04-03T23:25:00.006+08:00

darned monkey, i condemn you to eternal damnation.

i hate monkeys.

i was attacked by a monkey today at upper pierce reservoir! that incident has deeply etched an irrational and absurd fear that i will always have towards that of hairy four-legged little brown moving balls of fur. may God rain sores on them and throw them into an abyss of fire and worms!

okay, that sounds a little too bad for the entire nation of monkeys. maybe just for that monkey who scared the life out of me.

when i was waiting for my friends at the beautiful, serene reservoir, i decided to whip out the intellectual Time magazine to catch up with some politics before they arrive. no sooner after i began provoking my intellect, i heard this little devilish squeak from the corner of my view. the moment i turned, i found myself looking face to face with this brown, unspeakable monkey!

of course, i bounced up from my bench, grabbing my bag and coke can (don't know why i did that), flinging off my Time magazines and my bag of filming tools all over the ground, in the meantime, spilling coke all over my bench. that crazy fella sat down comfortably, licking the spilled coke while i stood in fear from his invasion. i tried to pick up my stuffs but that impish monkey attempted to attack me when i wanted to do so. and no kidding, it looked like that:

i tell you, i died. then two young boys saw my pitiful plight and decided to come to my rescue. they crunched plastic bags to distract the nincompoop monkey. when that revolting brown ball heard it, it went crazy and attempted to attack them. they screamed in cute girl voices.

but God must have spoke to them so they decided to return again to save the damsel distressed from monkey woes. the boys threw a sweet wrapper at it. the monkey decided it was no fun just bullying me; it chased after them! obviously, they fled for their dear lives, abandoning me in that perilous situation. i was close to calling the police!

seeing that the monkey was a short distance away, i quickly retrieved my sprawled items and hopefully, make a quick dash away from the scene. lo and behold, my guts flew out when the monkey, seeing that i was getting away, decided to chase after my poor soul. with a mad high-pitched squeal and a distorted constipated face, i made most dramatic exit of my life! my face was the picture of trauma and essentially, insanity. and i thought i heard giggles from the jogging men on the next field.

so obviously, i escaped.

but now, everytime i see a monkey, don't expect me to simply shun away from them; i am going to rain curses and grim abyssal damnation on their monkey souls before running away from them. yes, that is what i am going to do.

arghhhh. darned brown slabs of fur.

2009-03-31T01:07:00.003+08:00

to be or not to be, that is the question.
-Hamlet, by William Shakespeare
as Hamlet contemplates whether he should be alive or dead.

do you want to choose whether to live or not? a very interesting conversation sparked off with angie and est just this afternoon. it got me thinking if i want to ever have the decision power as to my living and my death.

well, it took me 3seconds to come a decision (2secs to stone awhile first and 1sec to breathe before answering) - no. i don't ever want this power.

one of my all time favourite writer, sylvia plath took her own life when she realizes the bleakness of life when ted hughes, her womanizing husband, could not stay faithful to her. she sealed all the rooms with towels and with her children sleeping in one of the rooms, she gassed herself to death. her limp body was found poisoned to its very bones.

little would plath know that 40years later, her son will follow her very decision, ending his own prematurely too. would she have wanted to live to let her son know that suicide is not an option? you see, both has forgotten to see that there is still hope in leading beyond their hopeless life if they had continued living.

i don't ever want to possess this decision simply because i would live such a hope-deprived life. i want to live every day knowing that i can still wake up to see aimee next sunday, or meet lola and dawn at nine-ish every tues and wed.

to be or not to be? is that even a question? God has given us choices on how to live our lives; the one thing we can do for Him is to live it well or at the very least,

continue living.

2009-03-30T02:14:00.003+08:00

literature romances me.
i am deeply enraptured.

my heart is seized at every opportune moment of the running words as i sit basking in the orange light, holding jane austen 'pride and prejudice' on my anticipating hands. i flip over and over the last few pages. before i know it, i have fallen deeply and enthusiastically in love with mr. darcy.

i am moved and absolutely hooked.

p.s will my future son hate me if i name him Darcy?

2009-03-26T23:19:00.002+08:00

i count my blessings everyday.

my bank account has been facing a drought since i decided to set my foot to the land of india and nepal this coming june. so, i have been saving every single cent miserably these days. even though i haven't resorted to bringing food to school, i have been rationing my money and i mean ration ration. like even buying a drink or having lunch is a threatening situation for my dear silver wallet.

but everyday is a blessing even though it has been quietly melancholic. i realized that God knows my misery and at every opportunity, gives me a little joy here and there. just yesterday, i nearly thirst myself to death (maybe not that bad, maybe it's only at the brink of drinking from the singapore river) because i did not want to buy a drink. $0.50 is very big now.

guess what. when i reached clarke quay to meet my friends, LWS actually bought bubble tea from sengkang and was drinking it reluctantly. the thirsty monster in me was quenched with the refreshing stream of liquid. and when we were walking towards the nepal embassy, i actually felt a sudden craving for sweet desserts because i just had my cheap $2.30 lunch. i was daydreaming of donuts when suddenly, my dear stacey pulled out a packet of sweets and asked "want?". omg, of course.

there, every cent saved but all my needs kindly satisfied by God (through my friends haha). i was thankful for the rest of the day, really!

just today, pastor biyun treated me to dinner (sambal fried rice + refreshing lychee ice) just because we decided to meet earlier to talk. God has been mercifully good to me even though i used my money for travelling (but i wouldn't say it's wasted because it is VERY good experience).

such little blessings here and there really do make my day. it leaves me feeling very blessed. the irony is that i only learn to count my blessings like that when i am in the most needy state.

guess it is only when you have nothing that you see the abundance of God.

2009-03-24T01:23:00.003+08:00

2am is the new 1am; it keeps getting better, or not.
since when did i sleep at 2am? well, i cannot exactly pin point a time period. it probably started when i entered university, perhaps 1-2sems ago? but noooo, i am not going to blame it all on the education system or the tumultuous varsity life no matter how jaded i am.

it isn't their fault. because this time, i think it's mine.

these days, when i look at the time, my definition of lateness has shockingly transcended the norm. 130am is early now, 2am well i should be getting ready to sleep, 230am is threading on thin ice but it's still acceptable, 3am okay, now it's late.

why do i stay up, many ask. to be exact, diancong asked (he is extremely fascinated with the time that i hit the sacks don't know why). my answer is a little pathetic.

because if i sleep too early (say, 130am), i will feel i haven't accomplished anything. but seriously, staying up just 1 or 2 more hours to 3am does not make things any better. i still have to rush for assignments till the very last second, heap my literature texts into a big mountain beside my table and in every way possible, be very, very busy in the day. staying up that 1-2 hours more is simply a way of gratifying my insecurities.

it is not that i did not realize it, but i just don't really want to change it despite feeling the side effects of this new definition of lateness. believe me, if you ever see me on the train, you will not want to call out to a girl who is too deeply asleep, with her mouth open and saliva nearly drooling over her shoulders and probably would wake up with a rude jerk if anything were to disturb her sleep. it will be absolutely obscene for you to be associated with me.

it is not good at all and i know i should change. but at this moment, even though i know i am quite worn out, i still feel like typing an entry. don't condemn me, because your source of entertainment in the wee hours of 1.41am comes from me. i guess i will continue to stay up until the day i realize that i have already done all that needs to be done for the day. and maybe to know that i do not have to resort to such physical torture to feel assured that i have achieved something for the day.

wow, so much for just staying up until 2am. maybe i do really become smarter from it huh.

Help! My blog was eaten up!

2009-03-23T01:10:00.004+08:00

my blog was eaten up by the photobucket advertisement!

for a moment, my heart sank. but then i thought, well now i don't have to face the pressures of writing on my blog (hey, imagine having to blog even with piling assignments waiting to be written). but then, out of a sheer tint of mere little reluctance, i embarked on a quest to fix my blog once again. turns out my blogskin was removed. so, in the midst of my crazy schedule, i found time to repair really-loud (it has become part of my life, really). and boy, did i do a fantabulous job!

what you see on the screen is as simple as i can imagine really-loud to be. she has got to be fuss-free, easy to read and of course, oh-so-ever-witty (don't tell me even if it is not). i think really-loud is really pretty now from all my hard work in piecing it together. it looks effortless eh? it was not. but who cares when Really-Loud Chang looks so cute now.

wow, now she has a name. okay, i am too tired, i need to sleep.

Lydia

2009-03-19T00:59:00.002+08:00

my absolutely ~~terrifying~~ vivacious thai cousin is back and is more potent than ever!

this precious cousin of ours has got to be one of the loudest, most happening and firecracker-bubbly 12yr-old around these days. she is so different from our american-accented-angmoh spouting P6s who probably has 10 classes to attend everyday so all they can talk about is mathematics and algebra and the 345678 ballet classes they have to attend every week. my cousin, lydia is so special, and far from english-spouting (she abhors it).

well, for one, she is very carefree (don't care about her image), interesting (uncouth to the max! yes, she surpasses me haha), endearing (man-handles her cousins) and extremely sociable (talkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkative). i haven't seen such a girl except for those make-believe korean shows that feature "sassy" girls whom every guy falls in love with and every girl wants to become (believe me, you know these shows are farcical when you have a fabuloso cousin like mine). she kind of drives all of us insane; but you know what? i haven't seen such a genuine person for a very, very long time.

my dear cousin is such a real soul. she has no pretence and what she says is what exactly she thinks. well, of course the older she grows, the more tricks she has up her sleeves; but her truthful and honest character really endears her to me (and her 2 other jiejies, angie and est). where can you find such a person who opens up to you with such genuinity these days? hardly. i truly appreciate her presence more and more every time she comes back to singapore. and of course, when i meet more and more fake and superficial people around.

but that is besides all the snoring when she is sleeping, all her crazy antics when i have a 2000-word essay to hand up the next day or even her NUMEROUS phone calls when i am watching a dance concert. yup. haha.

but yes, lydia is still my/our all-time favourite little (regardless her stunning 1.51m height at 12 years of age) cousin. really heart her to the max!

Kidding, right?

2009-03-13T01:43:00.002+08:00

this is a true account of the conversation that happened between nellis and i during prayer meeting when SP (senior pastor) was preaching his sermon.

nellis: what did he just say?
sarah: oh, he said that he is the 主任牧师 of Renewal Christian Church.
nellis: what is 主任牧师?
sarah: it means senior pastor.
nellis: you mean it's not his name? oh, i thought his name is 主任.

sarah: walao HAHAHAHA.

and i continued to explain that 主任 means chairperson, so pastor hock chye is like the head of the church (let's do away with the fact that Christ is the head of the church just for this blog entry). and i demanded an explanation from her what she has doing in renewal christian church all these while thinking that pastor hock chye's chinese name was 主任!

well, i guess it's just nellis. or maybe it's chinese. or maybe we assume too much of cliche words that nobody truly understands or know what it means anymore. maybe we no longer think of what we are actually speaking already.

sometimes such humour draws us back to the fundaments of whether we understand what we are talking about in the very first place or not.

can't deny it was a good joke though, totally spruced up my prayer meeting.

i give tuitions to buy 21st presents for my friends

2009-03-12T13:28:00.003+08:00

i am 21 this year.
and that is not good.

because if i am 21, almost 75% of the people i know would be 21 too. and that makes me BROKE! i have received truckloads of invitations to 21st birthdays almost on a weekly basis. it is scary how people go to great lengths for this particular age which i find almost unagreeable.

they say "you are only 21 once".

yah, you are also 17 once, 18 once or 20 once. why is 21 so special?

i have a feeling it is a singapore thing; because our nation permits 1) pornography 2) close-to-but-not-underage marriage/pregnancy whatever 3) liberation from parental guidance when you are 21. and yeah, as if you don't do all that before 21.

but well, it would be an overtly subjective manner to look at it like that. i guess being 21 is also another excuse for you to look back and reflect on your life thus far, and probably ruminate on all the friendships, relationships and kinships that has been along those 21 years of your life. it is perhaps, more reasonable to look at it like that.

so, you can probably say that a 21st birthday is like your 1mth-old celebration. like how your parents celebrates you being alive, you are celebrating that fact that you are still alive after 20 years, 11 months of educational torture, societal expectations and most of the time, trying to survive.

well, i think i will be celebrating my 21st birthday as sceptical as i am. simply because i want to celebrate my little achievement of having gotten through 21 years unscathed (i mean not dead), living and breathing. maybe it is also a testimony of how God has tide my little sampan boat through the roaring waves.

or maybe i just want a new camera, wallet and handphone.

you get the hint, right?

so sad.

2009-03-05T00:14:00.006+08:00

i told myself never to be like those bloggers who don't update for like 10 years and then come up with one entry about how busy and how unfree they are to blog. i, for one, am reflective about it. so, i guess i am not like one of those bloggers... in a sense.

alright, alright. i am not going to be delusional. i was busy, so i didn't blog.

my heart has always been thinking about what to write if i were to write a blog entry though. so as of now, i am quite lost for words because i have too much stuffed inside me. well, i guess you can see that given how random and how much i am rambling.

ignore me.

just 2 days ago, something traumatic and tragic happened within the ntu community. a triple-E student stabbed his professor and later, slit his wrists and fell to his death. this, in every way possible, shook me. first of all, i so happened to be around the fateful spot when he did so. i still replay the drama in my head where i saw the countless police cars and ambulance rushing in, the body bag and the horror at seeing the police cordoned area at a place i am so familiar with.

new reports have surfaced and more details given. but i have been quite reluctant to find out what exactly went wrong and what happened. why he will stab his prof and later commit suicide, i don't think anyone will ever be able to read into his head. i just feel that we should just avoid all that speculations and let it heal. it is already painful enough to know that one of our fellow ntu student were in a state so serious he would do such a thing.

but not all is blue. i am especially impressed with ntu's president, Dr Su Guaning for all that he has done this time round. he was the epitome of grace in the turbulence that rocked ntu on monday morning. his tactful and considerate emails was soothing for such a bad time; i am deeply touched by him and has all due respect for him.

well, life goes on. i still have 4 essays and 1 presentation to complete soon. got a GPA to pull up, y'know.

thank God i am no engineer

2009-02-13T01:05:00.002+08:00

there was this funny conversation that went on between my tuition kid and i.

me: what does your father do for a living?
diancong: oh, he is an electrician. like he fixes electricity.
me: oh... you means things like rice cooker is it?
*diancong gives me a puzzled, frowned look*
diancong: no, do you think he can raise 3 children up by fixing rice cookers?

i was ji-tao stunned.HAHAHA.

drown in the cuteness, you human being.

2009-02-03T23:49:00.013+08:00

iggy boy boy celebrates his 1st birthday!

my cutest and only nephew is ONE! he is the sole reason why i want to breathe i tell you. he is so adorable i feel like tearing everytime i see him. and yes, he turns one actually, tomorrow; but his parents held a mini birthday party for him over the weekend.

i so want to cry from the cuteness.

he makes squating look so cute i want to squat now!

his cousins, we, are the culprits.

HAHA, i cannot stop laughing everytime i see this!
look at that frown!

john travolta will be glad to see this

my other cousin, who is all grown up and not ONE, also cracked all of us up so much! i must hand it to him for his nonsensical ways; we love him to bits too.

seriously, where is the difference?

guess which is my cousin. HAHAHA.

(answer: A... er, or is it B, or is it A?)

tooth fairy, please freaking take my tooth away NOW.

2009-02-02T01:21:00.002+08:00

other than pain in some other way, i have been experiencing a toothache.
to be precise, one of my very wise tooth has popped out.

i have heard terrible stories about wisdom tooth - it is like if evil witches is the horror story for kids, wisdom tooth is the horror story for adults! everybody seems to lament about it at some point of their life. and because it sounded adult-ish cool to have a wisdom tooth, i secretly wished i would have one soon.

but now, when it is really there, throbbing, sticking out like a sore silly tooth, how i wish it could just disappear in a bellowing puff of smoke like how it always happens in fairytales. also, to be honest, the wisdom tooth really do look horrifying and ghostly; like how it pops out from nowhere, how eerily white it is, how it is staring at you everytime you look into the mirror. yes, it is a nightmare that has come true.

but i have not certified that it is a wisdom tooth. it most probably is, otherwise, it is a stupid ulcer that grows at a weird and wrong place; and that is really stupid because ulcers should not sprout at the end of the gums.

aiya, whatever.

Next Up!

2009-01-31T23:30:00.003+08:00

i did my best to occupy myself this week.
and feel happier after that.

first, i went from cool to uncool by buying my first-ever (not shy to say that) Levi's jeans. i join 10 million others in owning the same design, same colour, same size jeans. not like i mind that, it is just that it comes with a $139.90 price tag. but of course, because epiphany finally dawned on Levi's, they have been giving $50 off for any pair of jeans for an old pair of jeans. yes, any brand; xiaolongnu brand, LeeVice included. and with a $20 gift card from cell, i blew $69.90 on a pair of Levi's. for goodness sake, i just wanted to find something to do on a friday morning.

i also found another good way to spend my time (while not reading my 50 millionth literature text) and that is to song-surf. i have been downlo-ahem-ading some good songs online. and because i was feeling a bit melancholic, i decided to give chinese songs a try and boy, was i surprised by some really captivating ones. well, i spent half a day downlo-ahem-ading songs and the next 6 days worrying if the police will catch me. so, it pretty much occupied my brain this week because i started having hallucinations that i could be imprisoned because i am 21 this year. but i am too paranoid... ... ... right?

but what was most effective was spending time with my friends. i was completely caught up with spending some quality time with friends i trust and adore like anything. having reunion dinners with cell and OVE'08 mavericks were very helpful this week. their company alone was enough to validate my happiness. walking around JP after class with my varsity girlfriends made me feel fresher too. going for tuan bai with cute teen girls like alice brightened my week. turns out, i am not as poignant as i think i am.

so what is up the next week, or the next next week?

i guess that itself, is a great question to occupy myself with for the next few weeks.
one step at a time (:

a backward gaze

2009-01-29T23:44:00.007+08:00

i learn that not saying anything means saying everything today.
how therepeutic.

Politically Incorrect

2009-01-28T02:29:00.006+08:00

~~huat~~ heng ah.

chinese new year has been a breeze this year.

this has got to be one of the least worrisome chinese new year i have had since a long time ago. except for the present moment (which i am in a state of suffering due to insomnia), the year's most tiresome and troublesome festivity had dealt me a pretty pleasant deck this year. and oh, other than when my mother sabo-ed me to play the piano for my uncle, everything went as clock's work. i am so glad, you haven't any idea how.

one of the best highlight was my $35.90 investment in a shirt from "The Box". my utter lack of time for shopping resulted in a 5minute-only browsing at jurong point when i was waiting for lola for lunch just 2 days before chinese new year itself. yet, i ended up with one of the best buys since my hong kong shopping trip... which wasn't too long ago. but anyway, the shirt was a splendid purchase for chinese new year because it, simply put it, hides the bak kwa sticking out from your tummy.

i have a feeling the quality of chinese new year depends solely, and greatly on the clothes you purchase for it. buying size 0s when you are obviously a size 10 will just kill all the festive mood because the only thing you can do is suck it in and stay like that the whole night. or risk looking like you've eaten the entire bee cheng hiang. the entire course of chinese new year will be a rather asthma-inducing time if you were to have too tight a fitting cheongsam/daniel yam gown/ vera wang cosetted dress. i can hear the pop sound already.

but i guess i enjoyed this year's CNY not just because of my awesome looking shirt. seeing my families and friends and spending time with them truly made me happy too. the exuberance of teasing my cousins, playing spin-the-bottle with my OVE friends, taking pictures with my nainai, raving over my cutest (and only) baby nephew, eating vegetarian steamboat (which by the way, is more challenging than you can imagine) is really, the highlight of my enjoyment. more to come over the next 2 weeks!

but still, let me just say it is super shiok to have a good set of clothes!

look ma, no fats!

the deep of the night

2009-01-25T01:10:00.005+08:00

there are absolutely no other light beams across the street other than the street lamps and the block plates. the silhouette of the wide-branched trees cast a eerie gloom to the already poignant night. in the dead quiet, a gust of wind swept by.

a car zoomed past in its full glory without knowing the heart of such darkness. like how i try to decipher the aptitude of the night, it learns, also to master the unknowing of such profound knowledge. and i say, let me comprehend it and find it, then i will teach the world one day.

nothing is moving, but my furious typing fingers. the tree branches sway to the rhythm of its companion and embrace its waves inconspicuously. i brooded over the binary of such darkness, and found no resolution. perhaps, i have grown accustomed to the looming black, maybe i am just furious at its inevitability. i have no idea.

in the deepest of the night, a light shone suddenly. a man has probably woken up from his slumber to grab a cup of water to aid his sleep. i watched the steady light just opposite my hdb block die off in a hurried instance. such agonizing moment, i mumbled. and as i said that, my finger unknowing reached for the switch of my room. the shape of the switch protruded onto my fingers as i touched it.

with a click sound, i, too, was consumed by my nemesis.

2009-01-21T23:36:00.002+08:00

The Case of the Literature Student Who Can't Read Anymore
she just can't bear to.

i have not been in the mood to write nowadays (but of course, i'm definitely more keen than junming who hasn't updated since prehistoric times). this is because when i write, i have to read. and really, i just cannot put myself to read any longer. i am serious. i have read 5 texts (and another 4 more to go) since school reopened. that didn't happen that long ago, did it?

i love reading. i sincerely, with my utmost being, love to read. but when you are made to read so much, it just becomes a killjoy. reading is now, an act of analysis and an act whereby i need to produce results. a literature student losing her ability to love reading is just, too problematic to be true. don't misunderstand, i am perfectly happy with school life and work load; i am just a little afraid that i can no longer be that avid, enthusiastic reader i used to be.

maybe i should start reading mathematics formulas and learn all the mathematical signs by heart. or create my own formula for the impact of excessive reading to that of passion which will then mean if i do, i will get a nobel prize. but that can only happen if i start memorizing all my E=MC2, A2+B2=C2, P=QR/2, Cos90=0...

wow, i am going back to reading.
seriously, like NOW.

a beautiful memory

2009-01-18T01:13:00.008+08:00

an old photograph dropped off my book.
it was in my Purpose Driven Life which i have not touched since the last time we used it.
as you would know, that was long, long, long time ago.

that photo was taken probably 5 years ago during this period of time. i remember it was a few weeks before valentine's day and my class set up this photo booth which has interesting heart shapes decorate as a backdrop. it is a polaroid photo priced at $2. it seemed wasteful then to capture that moment with $2; but now, i am thankful we did it.

because then, i can remember i used to be 15 once. and was then, so hot.
first of all, i was so tanned because i was training for my footdrill competition that time. so with a dark complexion, of course i would look skinnier (it is true, friends). and i had such fuss-free hair then! i looked rather immaculate. and i thought my school uniform was quite preppy (i believe many would object to that) too.

i always think that i looked better last time.
you know, when you start thinking that, it means you are growing older. don't all your parents think that too? my mom used to tell me she looked prettier last time. and then when some time passes, she would think that she looked better the last time. and the last time and the last time. she never said she looked better NOW. i am really getting older, am i.

and it does not help that everyone around me seems to be as young as an egg. but you know, i am not lamenting about my age now; because then, many older bodies would come squeeze me to death with their wrinkles. i am merely reminiscing the time past and the changes i have gone through. all of which, is a beautiful memory.

i just want to immerse in that beauty and then continue moving forward in life. but just for this blog entry, let me just do so. my young, young past.

little nyonya

2009-01-06T01:57:00.003+08:00

awe-inspiring drama serial
the little nyonya that just ended its run on channel8 has got to be the best serial i have ever watched in mediacorp (or the entire world??!!) history.

if anyone were to tell me i would be hooked on a local drama production 2 months ago, i would have bled to death laughing my eyes out. i am never crazy for anything local (except for chicken rice, hokkien prawn mee, singlish, PM Lee... but that's another thing altogether). oh well, i was never.

until the little nyonya came along.

today, now, as i finish watching the final episode of the little nyonya, i have got to say: hat's off, mediacorp. this production has got to be one of the most intriguing and enthralling drama. be it the plot, characters, costumes, exoticism (especially the food, i've been craving for some peranakan food the past few months) and history, everything was fastidiously chronicled into perfection. i am impressed.

i am not going to launch into the storyline because it is simply too enchanting to be put down in a blog entry. really, it is so good whoever hasn't watched it should just flush your head in the toilet bowl. okay, i am kidding. whoever hasn't watched it should just go watch it (who told you it is available on tudou?!!!).

i am suffering from post little nyonya withdrawal symptoms.
alright, i better sleep soon; otherwise my nya nya is going to scold me.

my namesake

2009-01-02T22:32:00.004+08:00

my name is sarah chang.
what, you too?

i just did the most nincompoop thing in the world.
i totally googled my name.

i know, it is pronouncedly loser of me to do so. but yes, i did it. well, you cannot blame a saccharine sweet, enormously popular and vivaciously lively undergraduate in need of self-assurance for doing that right? tell me about it.

what i was hoping to see from the search isn't anything note-worthy. just some "i think sarah chang has the most fantastic blonde streaks in the world" or perhaps "i aspire to be as fashionable as sarah chang who sported the most mercilessly chic look" or the least form of all "i think sarah chang will go down history". that's about all. no big hopes for my formidability.

you see, i really did see all those things. in fact, there were even crazier comments like i-will-die-for-you kind. it's all for sarah chang.

but it's not me.

turns out i am the namesake of a world acclaimed violinist, sarah chang. and it so happens she has fantastic blonde streaks, is insanely fashionable (woohoo, on the stage with her transparent violin with a tiny piece of black cloth wrapped around her, yeah boy) and yes, has already gone down history. i want to die.

googling yourself is not fun at all when somebody else has all the fun. so i tried "sarah chang ntu", "sarah chang sajc", "sarah chang renewal", "sarah chang cute", "sarah chang pretty" and everything else. what came back was "0 results for ---". how encouraging right.

so i have decided. the next time i google myself will be the day i become the prime minister of singapore, or maybe just the mother of 21 children to be realistic; or just to be a bit more practical, when i become a professor in ntu; or you know, maybe when i have graduated from varsity and written my thesis (then my name will confirm be on the web);

or maybe,
just never, ever, ever google myself again.

cui.

of reflections and grandmother's story

2008-12-31T01:25:00.005+08:00

let's just say, 2008 did not rock at all.
not.

double negation makes a positive. that's an English lesson for you; but that is probably one of life's greatest lesson for me too.

just before the year comes to an end, i suddenly feel obliged to stay up to write an entry of the year that will soon-to-be passed. but trust me, this is not a random, fleeting thought like how most of my entries are; they are the product of an objective hindsight i have from 2008. and really, it was truly a year of negations that worked out positively.

taking up worship leading in church
i had such a hard time adjusting to it at first. i was suddenly thrusted into the limelight and exposed to the scrutiny of the public eye. my spiritual life was under a perennial pressure and all the more, it took a turn for the worse because i just couldn't keep up. but i thank God because it was this stress that drew me to God's tenderness and sensitivity. this characteristic of God saved me and added a new dimension to my understanding of Him. i grew in my intimacy and comprehension of God! completely amazing!

joining Overseas Volunteering Expedition 2008
i had thought that it will be a smooth-sailing project that we can enjoy while planning; BUT NO. it turned out to be one of the most savage (yes, i use this word) experience of committee work i have ever done! there were many nights when i lost sleep from all the planning, worrying and brooding over the work-to-be-done. it was during that period of time where i constantly fell sick too! but guess what? i ended up with the most spectacular overseas volunteering experience i could ever asked for when i was in laos! everything was perfect for me. God also gave me FANTASTIC FRIENDS from OVE 2008! my 10 lovely group5 people is a physical manifestation of joy and warmth. they are one of the biggest presents from God this year!

studying as an English Major in NTU
i whined and pestered God to give me nus and to burn ntu down (well, He didn't. that's why i'm still there). i complained about ntu and my no-prospects course so much that i think su guaning never recovered from flu. yet, English Literature is truly the course for me, a God-given passion even. i really thrived very well there! i got a scholarship and received good GPA (even though this sem is ---, i proclaim the next 5 sems to be STRAIGHT As!). best of all, i made like-minded friends (jeffer,van,renf,serene,lola&dawn) who are so indispensable now! God made things right when i thought it was bleak.

mentoring the sec2 cell
they were one of my greatest worry at the beginning of the year. actually, they still are. there were missing sheep and issues difficult to solve. i was also nervous that they wouldn't get used to me. i was fearful that i cannot tap their potential and become a godly leader. but i thank God for a fruitful year in the teens ministry. they became a helluva blessing for me and the best thing is that i had so much fun with them! the responsibility is great, but the fruit of the labour is so much greater!

being self sufficient
that means not taking moolah from my parents and in turn, giving them moolah. i have officially began maintaining myself. all the tuitions really killed me though. at my peak, i had 7-8tuition sessions a week. i was basically surviving on the winks i can catch from travelling one place to another and the coca cola my tuition kid's mom offers me. it was THIS bad. but you know, i thank God for sustaining my bank account and giving me extra- i travelled to taiwan, hongkong and laos on my own expense and paid single-handedly for my own driving lessons! i have never been more sufficient!

i typed this not to spite any of you. in fact, it's the complete opposite of it. there were so many obstacles i had to clear, matters that sapped me dry and issues i have to deal with. besides all that, i had a frailing health, relational commitment and other church servings to worry about. but you realise, it was grace that brought my thus far. it was God who made all things good.

i cannot tell you that 2008 was a happy, sweet and gorgeous year for me. it was NOT. what i can tell you is that in bad times, God really carried me - and it was evident in 2008. that, i believe, makes 2008 a year worth celebrating, remembering and cherishing.

multiple negation makes a positive.
you don't need the dictionary to tell you how real it is.

i was typing another entry but i decided that this was more my mood today

2008-12-22T01:31:00.002+08:00

life is unfair.
but really?

i have a grand plan to find unfairness. but so far, i have been quite downtrodden from my search. there is no unfairness in life, because the God who created it is a fair God. yes, that is my conclusion after struggling 19 long years with a puberscent and hormonal outrage with the life-is-unfair theory.

you see, we never see truly perfect people.

if you are intelligent, you are probably not very good looking.
if you are popular and well-liked, you are probably not very smart.
if you are tall and skinny, you probably have a funny voice.
if you are kind-hearted, you are probably quite short.
if you are talented, you are probably pimply.
if you are eloquent, you are probably a poor and broke person.

mix and match any of the above and it end up in the same old sad story that we are never perfect. well, that for me, is a good thing. because we know that nobody can claim that he/she is free from flaws. so, this gives me the incentive to accept my flaws and KNOW that God is making up with something good in me.

this is seriously going to sound like some adamkhoowantstomotivateyou kind of entry; but i feel that many a times, we should also deliberately filter our positive traits and to keep looking at it when things get bad, when people start failing you and when life just simply, stinks. there are really times when we need to know that we are not that bad in fact. maybe this is what they call 'accepting' yourself. cliche yes, but that is really what i try to do when i feel lousy.

i am flawed, but i think i am not that bad too.

life definitely looks a lot fairer like that, right?

till then

2008-12-21T01:14:00.002+08:00

i am no good with farewells.

everytime after a telephone conversation, i'll make sure i'm the first one to put down the phone. just so i won't hear the click sound that marks the end of it all. or i'll probably bid you farewell with a chirpy "alright, see you!" rather than a jolly old goodbye. similarly, it bothers me to look at the fleeting glance of the backview. i don't like to stand watching while people walk away. i simply cannot bear it.

i went to a wake just the past thursday. it was, well, a farewell in a way. as i was listening to the eulogy and overlooking a solemn crowd, i had to try so hard to stifle some chokes. bidding someone farewell is not something that everyone can do with grace; and i am the kind who is thankful enough that i don't bawl my rectinal out of my pupils.

in life, there are so many instances when we have to say goodbye. while some of the occasions may call for one, many a farewell may come too prematurely. there are however, too many of such occasions that demands such unusual grace. it is already not easy to say goodbye.

i, for one, hope to learn this skill of saying bye. to handle a farewell with understanding; to understand that separation is part and parcel of life, and essentially, to understand that goodbye itself, isn't in fact,

all that bad.

how to be a nice person this christmas

2008-12-18T00:06:00.008+08:00

WHEN YOU BUY THIS FROM ME:

I AM SELLING THESE CHRISTMAS CARDS TO RAISE FUNDS FOR THE OVE'2009 TRIP TO CAMBODIA.

We will be working on sanitation projects for the village in Siem Reap. Also, we will be hosting educational programmes for the local schools.

S$1.50 PER CARD/ S$6.00 PER SET OF 4 CARDS

and for the next 7 days

2008-12-15T14:56:00.002+08:00

pain in its very essence
it is the nagging, persistent and subtle quality of pain that nails it in.

i just had the most spectacular 9 days of my life. nothing beats it, really. not the breathtaking hongkong trip, not the awesome centrepoint canvassing OVE'09 had, not the rather interesting ball i went for, not even the truckloads of activities the church teens are organizing.

because when you have been through 9 whole days of pain, it is easy to forget how to spell nuf. i mean fun.

yes, i didn't know i could take it too. but well, i kind of did. 9 full days of constant pain and tragic whining in bed which i don't even understand how it came about. i will give a breakdown of what i think it is - it started from food poisoning that i got from hongkong. then it evolved to constipation when the medicine got too strong for me and finally, gastric pain when i couldn't down any food because i was as stuffed as a turkey. and boy oh boy, is that the second most ridiculous evolution i know of other than the darwin's theory.

i entertained all sorts of thoughts for that 9 days including stabbing my stomach, having an accidental accidental drug overdose so that i can be sent to the hospital, using my alarm clock to knock me out and using my sony ericsson K750i phone to call God. and indeed, all these thoughts just emphasized how helpless i was.

over the 9 days (i declare that day #10 shall not exist because God disallows it), i realized that when God says that "our body is a temple of the Holy Spirit" (1 Cor 6:19), He's not kidding and i should start taking it seriously. i should care for my body and nurture it so that the Holy Spirit can dwell in it. most importantly, it showed me who had the ultimate lordship in my life. it was a painful (yessss) lesson for me; but i hope i have learnt it well.

tell me about being in an unpained state and i will tell you how big a blessing that is.

moved by a falling leaf

2008-11-29T00:03:00.002+08:00

i was strolling home one day from an evening jog, gyrating to the music from my mp3. it was a usual route back home which is anything but fancy. yet, this walk home took a turn for the magical when i witnessed a falling leaf. the simple act of the leaf's swaying descent captured me.

i have always found those poets who talk about minute little things like a crying baby, a couple fishing by the river or a stupid pen (think seamus heaney) rather amusing and wonder why they talk about these things to torture my soul 450years later. yes, literature students think these are lame too.

but at that very moment when the leaf descended, swishing and rhythm-coordinated, my heart was suddenly seized with poetic exclamations and a surge of fervour. i could finally understand what the irritating authors, from jeanette winterson to john banville meant when they said they were "moved". i was, at that moment, moved by the falling leaf too.

well, that does not put me in the league of those great poets. probably, even further from them. right after that precious moment, i continued my goofy walk, gyrating and rocking the upbeat song on my mp3, completely unchanged from before. but one thing's for sure, that moment assured me of the literary running deep in my blood- and that itself, puts me in the same league as any other legendary literary heroes of all time. this is in fact, spoken on behalf of all passionate literature students. or really, just anybody who loves the literary.

it really is courage to pursue what you love even if it bodes a tumultuous future.

it's an art

2008-11-27T14:25:00.007+08:00

after every major exam, i would never understand why i had wanted it to end so quickly in the first place. and this is precisely why you see 2 blog posts in less than 24hours. yes, i am

bored.

what do i do when i am bored? i go to the salon to cut my hair.
and whenever that happens, not only am i still bored, i get depressed.
why do i get depressed? because i still don't look like a hot superstar.

yes, every trip to the hair salon is a hope that with one snip, i can become as hot and as precious as those strutting mannequins at victoria's secret runway show (not that i want to strip and strut with undies on the platform... or maybe i do). right, back to the topic; i want to look like a superstar.

well, i know that it is almost impossible to live in this fantasy when i leave my hairdo to a 45yr-old aunty who works for a salon she can't wait to get out of and has a nagging toothache and the shop name is called mei taiwan which literally translates to beautiful taiwan. that probably explains my deep misery for an impossible dream.

and when murphy's law (what will go wrong will go wrong) seems to always happen on me, i have decided i am going to snap out of my self-inflicted boredom and current depression over lost hair and do something useful. like reading my #465 book (within 4 months okay) or googling about [the destination] that i will be heading to, writing the long due emails for ove or maybe, just entertaining those of you as bored as me with an entry or two, or three, or four, or ten.

or you know, just shut up.
okay.

i want to have my exams all over again.

yes, that's the answer!

2008-11-26T23:06:00.001+08:00

the heat comes on and you feel your body emitting persperation.
the entire world seems to have stopped
revolving because it senses an imminent darkness. it
is going to happen; the clock ticks faster than it should.
and finally, it stops when

he says "you may now turn over the paper".
the moment
of revelation, all the efforts have been channelled to these few lines of questions
for the past 4 months. this is it, the questions
sprawled for your disposal.

but all that i could think about?

what should i have for lunch later? hrmph...
that is a very tough question.

stress buster

2008-11-09T16:39:00.005+08:00

what do i do when i am stressed up?
this, i have to figure out soon, since i will have 5 more sems and a lifetime to stress over.

i resorted to pretty violent stress busters when i was a little younger. it kind of worked everytime i faced stress studying or in my multitudes of ccas in secondary school. to be frank, it was one of the best ways i have discovered that gave me temporal relief from any hints of bugger stress. tried and tested, results irreplaceable with other methods.

when i am stressed out, i pull out strand after strand of my left eyebrow (must be left because i write with my right) with my bare fingers. and by pulling, i mean:

1) secure the lucky strand on my brow with my fingers
2) get ready to execute a 70deg to the left pull
3) get ready mentally for the seering pain after that
4) pluck it with the utmost prowess that will induce tears in my eyes (and yours too, if you look)
5) stop if i do remember i will look weird with one eyebrow
6) repeat cycle if i don't

well, guys probably wouldn't understand the measure of pain plucking your eyebrows. let's just say you should only try it when no one is at home. you should have guessed what happened during 'O' levels. i pulled out practically a gaping hole in my brow. no kidding. and what happens when the "brow hole" (that's what i like to call it) becomes obvious? i wait for it to grow back again before repeating the whole cycle all over.

i am not exactly a sadist normally. but i do resort to pretty drastic to get my point across:

I AM FREAKING STRESSED UP, STAY AWAY.
well, that was when i was younger.

now? i just warn you on my blog.

writer's block

2008-10-31T02:12:00.005+08:00

this is the first time i wrote 4 introductions.
for my southeast asian culture and literature module assignment, i wrote a grand total of 4 introductions. this is the first time i struggled so badly with an essay assignment. but i'm not going to complain; at least i didn't write 5.

okay, as if it is of any consolation.

because of my apparent problem in my academic life, i could not put my "pianist fingers" (Ewart, Gavin; Office Friendships, 1955) to typing any blog entries. any other form of writing weighed me down greatly because i figured that whatever writing i do must have something to do with southeast asian/ female oppression/ literary creations. i didn't know writing could give me heart burn. i love writing, but it's the darnest bane in my life right now.

this cannot get more real

2008-10-20T19:28:00.005+08:00

NB RealRun, so real, so real.
i am going to use a lot of 'real' here. so, be real-ly prepared.

the race we faced, the treacherous 4km trail + 0.6km sand road + 5.4km taxiway terrain, the pain of the momentum of 10km, the camaraderie and pride incorporated, the glory of completion and the rheumatism we might develop when we're 30yr-old is real. as real as the calories i have burnt.

i woke up on a sunday morning 4.45am praying that i will have the guts to sms my friends that i won't be going (like every other school day). well, God didn't answer THAT prayer, so i went to the New Balance RealRun 2008. from the small talks we had on that morning, i figured that i wasn't the only who said that prayer.

well, the run wasn't half as bad. it was actually, rather professionally done and well-executed by the organizers (even though the t-shirts' sizes saga was quite sad). the terrain was difficult though it kind of resembles the macritchie trail, just 5times more tiring. it was my first ever run in my life and i thought i learnt a lot from it.

the girls did the entire run together and there were many times we had to wait up for each other, eyeball each other's location and pace up with one another. there were some moments when we lose each other for awhile but there's always a sense of camaraderie that will eventually bring us side-by-side again. and when emma, yen and i ran towards the finishing line together, i could almost hear the deafening cheers we share with each other (though we were really too tired to whoopee together).

we saw a few young children participating in the 10km run too. it was such a heartening sight, when after almost 2hours, we see a small shadow hurtling towards the finishing line with every traces of the exhaustion and morning sun towards the line and into the mother's proud arms. we saw friends joined in hands running together towards the end, couples with fingers entwined urging each other on and many individuals who defied pain, age and the relentless sun. it was a run that displayed the human spirit.

i realized i didn't have to use the word 'real' to portray how real this run was. i think this in itself, is the success of everyone who took to the roads on the sunday morning.

i guess i would go for another run like this, just so i can soak in the Real spirit again.

coerce, force, threaten [the vocab to describe a girl's manipulation]

2008-10-18T23:29:00.006+08:00

i coerced someone to lend me his car
oh come on, it was only 2 rounds round st george!

i can't believe zengzi actually kept his promise and let me drive his mazda6! well, i guess when he made the promise, he didn't actually believe i would pass on my first try. so, tada, he doesn't have a choice but to fulfil what i held him to accomplish.

so, dear ladies and gentlemen, i made my maiden attempt at driving a car WITHOUT an L-plate! this is sooooo exciting! i don't think i am so silly as to buy a car now when i am studying (well, that's unless God wants to bless me + pay for the petrol money too) because it is simply and unfortunately, too expensive. but oh dear God, i am so keen to set out to the roads again!

until the day i earn myself a car, i will probably continue bugging my dear friends to give me the privilege of one round.

just one round.

[Ed's note: AND I TOOK TO THE EXPRESSWAY TODAY ON DESMOND'S CAR! whooooohooo, all my friends are so cool!]

that's life, honey.

2008-10-16T12:12:00.006+08:00

the world is divided into two - those who have it and those who don't.
-Lola Wee (she's as quotable as paris hilton)

i agree wholeheartedly with it.

visit http://www.thesartorialist.blogspot.com/ and see for yourself which part we have been divided into. it is things like this that make me feel like spending a bomb/ ripping open my pocket/ breaking my mickey mouse coinbank/ rob the bank (dear police officer, i am too wuss to do it) for a retarded turquoise leather jacket which i will never, ever, ever wear in 29years (i may just make it my 50yr-old resolution though, bet on that!). and of course, those oh-so-chic boots, the black widow hat and that piece of bling bling which is probably the cost of my 4-room flat. unattainable luxuries that is defined as tangible lust.

i should never have stumbled there on a fateful, boring break in-between lessons. argh.

i want that turquoise leather jacket.

omg, you wouldn't believe it

2008-10-15T21:04:00.002+08:00

actually, i don't exactly believe it either.

I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST!

that's another item added to my "God-done-it-not-me" list. it was completely awesome. firstly, it was the erratic weather. i have had 21 lessons and EVERY single session was sunny and cloudy until TODAY. yes, of all days, the 15th October 2008 last driving lesson before the driving test. but surprisingly, my brain was the furthest from the insane rain. i was thinking more about my rendang lunch than it. it was pretty amazing how nonchalent i was!

when i was practising in the circuit and on the road, i had zilch anxiety okay. it was probably because i REALLY needed to go to the toilet, that's why i was completely uninterested in feeling nervous since i was already breaking out in cold sweat from holding my pee pee. so, i practically enjoyed my driving lesson even though i was going to have my driving test in like 30 minutes time. well of course, other than the holding my bladder part.

fast forward to the test itself. when i was walking towards my car, i still had the guts to joke with the examiner about some stupid nonsense that i cannot remember now. everyone was walking like pale sheets of white and there i was, all cracked up talking to the examiner. i think he passed me because i could still manage a few sentence with him without peeing in fear. i got onto the car feeling like a dream; it really didn't feel like it was real at all.

my whole test was a big joke, let me be frank with you. i just bumped my way through not knowing what happened! all the "right, left, left, right" instructions were making my head spin and i was seriously out of sync. the exasperated examiner was giving me all sorts of comments that indicated that i was going to fail; and the only thing that i remembered was how i kept apologizing to him "opps, sorry sorry sorry". but when i parked my car into the yellow box at the end of the test, he told me: "your driving is not bad, just that you don't check your blind spots. be careful ah, you passed". eh, i couldn't believe my ears you know.

so there's another step of courage i took in life. and guess what, i passed it; not out of my skills or expertise which sadly, remains a far cry from expectations, but by the grace of God.

He was probably the only one who knew what was going on anyway.

scalded by the doughO!

2008-10-14T00:17:00.002+08:00

i swear off hot doughnuts

never put your doughnuts in the microwave for more than 8seconds - any doughnuts put in for more than that will become a hazard for the eater and will cause serious damage to, in this case, the fingers.

i shall never have jam + doughnuts or jam doughnuts again and if i do, well if i really do, it is when i really can't help it. but oh, for today, i SWEAR OFF these puny hazards! it was such a beautiful white chocolate-coated jam filled doughnut that i knew i had to consume it in that 45degree tilt to the left to achieve the maximum Oooooomph. bad move.

it wasn't until 0.0000000001seconds later that i felt something sensational happening to my middle finger - deep fried is an understatement of what happened to it. the pain didn't register until 5seconds later; before i could scream, i dipped my other fingertips into the boiling jam filling because i was trying to (don't judge me!) stop it from dripping to the floor. it didn't stop there. to my shocking horror, my instincts prompted me to lick the hot sauce off to soothe the pain on those fingers. no prizes for guessing what happened after that.

hungry sarah + hot doughnuts = @#$%^&*@#$ (this is OUCH in cryptic formula)

living as privileged princesses of God

2008-10-10T12:37:00.005+08:00

my老爸
wah, He is one loaded AND generous AND doting Father man.

why do i emphasize these 3 qualities? the father will have to be brilliantly rich first before he can satisfy his child's insatiable wants. but if he's that rich but stingy (like zh HAHA okay i'm kidding), the child will probably be asking/begging desperately but will end up getting rejected since he has a miserly daddy. so, the father has to be generous. next, he has to dote the child enough to WANT to give his child what he wants. these 3 qualities cannot be apart; if they are, whatever the child receives will be substandard. thank goodness our Father is these 3 and more!

"Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish will give him a snake? If you, then though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" matt 7:9-11

who is a happy lark? ME!

horrified

2008-10-07T09:25:00.002+08:00

should i watch painted skin?
there's this movie showing in the theatres right now which i don't know whether i want to watch.

the trailer was so good, extremely thrilling and definitely entertaining as hell. well, literally. you see, there are women with long flustered hair with crimson red eyes, coupled with white pale faces and long nails in the show. they are the kinds who will be screaming with such haunting screech that it will resound in your ears for the next few weeks. apparently, i will also see some interesting biologically-impossible skin peeling (yeah, it's kind of like sunburns and then your skin comes off). and oh, after the show, i'll probably develop some bladder problems because i wouldn't want to go to the toilet alone.

so should i go and watch it and play with my heart?

i need to get a life and stop blogging about these horrifyingly mundane decision-making.

auditory exposure

2008-10-04T01:35:00.003+08:00

i got my first taste of music companionship after i bought my creativeZEN just one month back. before that, i rely on intellectual preoccupations like staring into the thin air, secretly reading other people's wanbao (cos it's TABLOID man!!), closing my eyes to establish contact with the outer space or just simply, not doing anything in particular. i will never get use to those scholarly companionship again after i found something called mp3.

a usually long and droning journey to school becomes all too easy with music. an insipid walk home becomes too short all of a sudden. a jog downstairs doesn't feel that exhausting anymore. an irritating wait for latecoming friends induces joy rather than rile. and i can't seem to hear very well nowadays.

music, in every sense, has become an essential.

about me

2008-10-01T00:35:00.004+08:00

i did it in 30 seconds, or less.

we were tasked to do a short write up for my communication studies module. it was just a simple assignment - it is to write 10 statements about myself. i thought i would need forever to come up with 10; turns out, i took less than 30 seconds to come up with 11. ha. here goes:

i am a strong-minded and ambitious person. i take pride in my drive and my strive for excellence. i take responsibility in my love for Literature and so, i try my best to be a good English student in NTU. i enjoy reading and i make sure i get my literary fix every bi-weekly in a chill-out coffeehouse. i look up to strong leaders who make positive changes to the community they are in and i aspire to be in their league one day. i am very much into the Love of my life, Jesus and we have a whirl of a time everyday! i am a closet F1 fan and i was certainly delighted to see them in the very heartlands of singapore. not only that, i love spice girls and britney spears and i am not afraid to tell you so!

i think it was a pretty real and good attempt for something done so quickly.

call me late at night again and i will...

2008-09-29T22:28:00.003+08:00

i am cranky and i know why!

i am going to hunt this person down.

i have been receiving some weird calls on my house phone. this person is seriously getting on my nerves because it is disrupting my peace! the prank calls are made either really early in the morning or terribly late at night. just this afternoon, i received 2 from this prankster. the first one was pretty freaky where he/she just said some random rubbish in a coarse voice into the speaker.

i am going to call the police soon. so, whoever you are (and if you are smart enough as to understand my blog), you better stop.

cos i will hunt you down very, very soon.

the cursed MOUSE!

2008-09-26T17:31:00.003+08:00

and i endured it for two weeks.

something happened to my laptop 2 weeks ago; the mouse pointer, instead of an arrow (the traditional kind yes), became a mickey mouse hand.

it totally screwed up for life and my doing work on my laptop as i cannot click on something without moving the entire screen! the mickey mouse hand was supposed to move the entire screen to whichever location i need (tech-idiots, stay with me!) and apparently it ate away my arrow!

i spent my 2 weeks in silent and ridiculous torment and feeling seriously stupid. where was my arrow?! and since i couldn't click on anything, i had to use my tab button and my up-down buttons to help me get to the input boxes. i thought of getting junming or weiliang to help but it always slipped my mind because it wasn't a BIG thing though it was a quietly torturous one.

just 20 minutes ago, i decided i could not stand it any longer. even though i had a brief thought that i might not solve the issue considering how tech idiot i am, i knew i needed to get rid of the mickey mouse hand IMMEDIATELY. i quickly went to every single buttons i could find on the main screen/computer/control panel/personalize to identify the enemy (the mickey mouse hand) but to no avail. my dejected self was demoralized and it didn't help that my search efforts were constantly affected by the #$%^Y& mickey mouse hand! i went dejectedly back to the IE page.

and guess what? right at the top right hand of the IE page, i saw the mother of the mickey mouse hand! it was RIGHT ON TOP of my explorer page ALL THESE while laughing at me while it played my mind upside down. the moment i depressed the button, my arrow (imagine dramatic music and vapour smoke) reappeared lovingly into my life, my tormented and cursed computer life and the computer screen. i love you, arrow.

this mickey mouse hand whom i affectionately call @#$%^&* taught me many things, not only the technicalities of my hp TX1000 laptop, but in life. there are so many issues that are ridiculously taunting us without our knowing. small as it is, it acts as a silent tormentor and slowly eats into your time, your energy and your brain juices. many often than not, we don't know how to solve it; we don't think we can ever. yet, many times, the solution to our problems is right in our face - we just have to open our eyes to it.

do you have any mickey mouse hand in your life?

facing the giants

2008-09-19T17:18:00.002+08:00

i know i've got to face it somehow
the giants and i.

i just finished watching "Facing the Giants". it is a christian production that a friend bought for my birthday. the thing about this is that: i have already watch it before and it would not make sense for me to watch it again. i was thinking i'll let it collect dust somewhere.

but today, for some out of the world reason, i picked it up and decided i was bored enough to watch it again instead of doing my assignments, finishing my piling ove stuffs etc. well at least it was more interesting, that's for sure. the show is around 1.5hours and no, i am not exaggerating, i teared for the entire 1.5hours straight. i was reminded of how God spoke to me through this film a year ago when i was in china. that day, i received news that i didn't make it to nus fass. the Lord promised that He would walk me through life's difficulties; and that He would give me the strength to face the giants in my life.

as i was watching the show today, i couldn't help but be reminded that the Lord who spoke to me a year ago is still the God today. i was so comforted by the show (and so swollen from crying)! facing the giants isn't just relying on your own efforts and strength; it is truly about how God works in our lives and our midst. i am so grateful that i had nothing to do on a friday afternoon and decided to use this to end my misery; and yes, it didn't just end my afternoon misery, it ended an entire month of misery since school started.

thank God we have God (especially when you are in ntu).

what the

2008-09-11T11:25:00.003+08:00

i cannot believe this is found in ntu

so disappointing.

you know what will be more disappointing? if you can't see why.

the unsung heroes

2008-09-07T01:14:00.003+08:00

the superheroes who live amongst us
are you one of them?

there are many circumstances in life when you will probably see different people in different lights. the times when you see exceptional heroes rising up are in times of desperation and frustration; and when they do appear, their presence simply assures and matters. i wouldn't say i have a niche at identifying them, but they do exist at close proximity around all of us. they are normal beings with extraordinary minds.

i met a few over the short weekend. one left an indelible mark in my memory. you see, every year at this time you will probably see me holding up a big bag; and no, they don't contain books that i have to read nor is it presents that i have received. it is a bag full of mid-autumn "goodies" that i will have to sell to raise funds for ove (haha, now you know).

this person isn't exactly the kind of person that everyone will look for when he/she needs help. perhaps everyone sees the cheeky and goofy side of him more than what you will read about later. to be honest, he did gave me surprise with his gesture. as you know, i am a terrible saleswoman. when it comes to sales, i will either force-sell something or i will just "bao" it myself (cos i don't really dare to earn people's money). so, i kind of just shoved my mini-mooncake to a few people's face and expect to chop chop deal the sale.

when i did that to him, he just gave me a pretty reluctant face. he took out his wallet and picked out a S$2 note. i was already more than happy to say thank you when suddenly he put it back again. puzzled, i reached out for that S$2 note and told him it was the right amount. but guess what he did? he took out a S$5 note and said "this is for your overseas volunteering exp right? take it". for that moment, i was taken aback. i rejected and said that it was okay; but he pressed that S$5 into my hands and said "just take it".

you may think that it is a small matter, but it meant a great deal to me. and this isn't even his only giving story. these people are like superheroes in their own little ways; though hidden and at times, unseen, they play their roles in the best way they can; even without the just credits. there are of course, many other stories of unsung heroes; this is just one of many.

i hope this story has inspired you to buy the mini-mooncake from me (haha). remember it is for a good cause whereby you can contribute to our volunteering expedition to a less fortunate country. it is a baby step to a big vision!

but of course, this aside, start being a superhero to the people around you. lend a listening ear, talk to an old lady sitting alone, buy a packet of tissue from a visually-impaired and perhaps, sayang the irritating little girl who has been crying nonstop on the mrt train. the world needs superheroes; and what's the best thing? there's a superhero in all of us.

thanks wenqi!

a premonition

2008-09-04T01:10:00.002+08:00

the science of love
reader's digest said it, not me (just in case someone beats me up)

[ed's note: the following entry does not necessarily means the writer's stand]

1. like seeks like - someone who is like you will increase the possibility of love; research has shown that we gravitate towards people who looks like us! problem for me is, WHERE ARE ALL THE CUTE GUYS?!

2. declare your desire - this is simple; your chances of love are higher if you flatter and is nice to the person you like. rather than throw barbs at your object of interest, the good feeling of someone liking him/her will give you a better go.

3. the eyes have it - the longer you look into someone's eyes, the greater the intensity. dilated pupils are supposed to have a part at this. but if you have small eyes, then too bad for you. and if you're swc (my prof), who can't look at people in the eye, then get a funky hairstyle like his (will post on blog one fine day; he is SO cute)

4. body language - work on looking feminine; preening your hair (lola does it best), smiling affectionately are ways of showing interest. don't overdo it though, you'll look constipated.

5. naming game - names do have an effect of the impression others have of you. if you have tragic names like hitler or hello kitty, then too bad. sarah is not bad, i guess. just think of sarah michelle gellar the kickass buffy with her hot bad and hot face and associate all sarahs will her.

6. keep them happy - try to make your object of interest feel happy whenever they are with or around you as this will condition them to feel positive whenever you are there. if she sees an accident when she's with you, chances are that you will end up like that too: crash and burn.

the science of love is straightforward and it really does give us a formula for finding a partner. but science will always be science (it's an innate dislike for science, sorry), it can never achieve perfection in any ways; so, my take is that we learn to trust the matchmaker from up above.

you believe?

you learn something new everyday

2008-09-02T01:26:00.003+08:00

6degree of separation
a cool fact that everyone reading this intelligent blog should know!

a person is separated from another individual in this entire world by 6 people (ONLY)

i am clueless as to how accurate this is because i haven't met any one from east timor who is a friend of a friend who is friend of a friend who knows this friend and who is my friend (that's 6 people in between). but i do find this pretty amazing; it really does seems like we are not too far of from one another huh. apparently, this degree of separation in singapore is even more pronouncedly minute. it is 3degree of separation instead of a 6. so that means, between you and some random geek from RJC lies 3 totally uninspired individuals.

so why do you want to know this, you may ask.

i guess it's a want, on my part, to let you (whoever you are) know that we aren't actually that stranger to each other. cheers, friends.

face---- it, sarah

2008-08-23T01:07:00.003+08:00

me against the world
my one way of rebelling against the society has failed.

i joined facebook!
i can't believe it i can't believe it i can't believe it i can't believe it i can't believe it!

i have always had a problem of following rules or the status quo, per se. and i have a pretty childish way of getting back at it; i just refuse to do it. and because i had to watch some ove video which is like only accessible for facebook users (that is SILLY), i totally joined it. people in the world, I TOTALLY JOINED FACEBOOK! why on earth i did that, i'll never comprehend. maybe one day i'll ask God. but now, I JOINED FACEBOOK! that is a big problem. i should never join this kind of social network EVER, because it is so so so the in thing, and if i don't join (and tell others i don't have a facebook account), i will be so the rebel and that will be like so cool but it TOTALLY flopped on me and i am so confused because now i don't know how i feel about facebook as i will need to maintain it but at the same time i don't want to because it is just not right for me, a rebel to be doing this. why should i be subjected to the judgments of every other persons who are in this social network and who feels everyone in the entire face of the earth should have an account because then, they can conduct their little portion of gossiping and judging? facebook is a wrong wrong thing for me to be in and i feel that it should not be an invisible mandate in joining it.

IT IS SO WRONG THAT I AM HAVING FUN IN FACEBOOK EVEN THOUGH I DON'T KNOW HALF THE BUTTONS I AM PRESSING!!!

someone stop me from writing on walls, please.